The Meaning of Wife

As a newly-wed, always independent female, my first year of marriage has met confusion over new roles, career goals and what my new title of "wife" really implied. I turned somewhat to rebellion - as did my husband in his new title, with all it's implications of "breadwinner" - I do not want the traditional house wife role. I never played that role in the five years we lived together prior to the wedding ring and all of a sudden that ring, which is supposed to represent the unity and fairytale love we are bombarded with daily, became what I had always thought of as a ridiculous metaphor for marriage: a ball and chain. I felt trapped. The reason I am writing this now, is not because I had some self-awakening and suddenly came into my own as a wifely figure. I did not follow my wild daydream of suddenly, and with no real plan, driving into the sunset toward "liberty." I did not go file for divorce, which is the popular and easy thing to do. I simply read a book. "The Meaning of Wife," by Anne Kingston, is an eye-opening page turner, which confronts social patterns, ideologies, and generalizations of what it means to not only be a wife, but a woman in Western Society. While reading this book, I was forced to confront some of my own pre-conceived notions of what it means to be a wife, mother, career woman, domestic, caretaker, [...]. It also helped me to realize that in some of my ideals I have been unfair to the person I chose to make my partner for life, and vice versa. I am amazed by Kingston's ability to present different perspectives and surprised by her ability to resolve many issues. She does not represent a feminist hard-line but takes a logical stance that does not slap either sex across the face with shame. She was able to show all sides of a debate in each chapter, and then resolved with solutions that make the reader think, "Now why didn't I think of that. It is so simple, so obvious." I strongly believe that this book is not only a read for women, but men as well. As I said before, it is not a feminist manuscript meant to belittle men, but a bold confrontation of the roles assigned both sexes in Western Society. It focuses on the role of the wife, but in doing so, confronts the roles of the Husband. Believe it or not the only feminist book I have read in my life is, "Communion," by Bell Hooks. This was a book I loved but had contradicting feelings about. It makes grand points of what it means to "Commune" with another, but showed little resolve toward such communion. One of my favorite quotes came from this book, "To exist in a state of communion is to be aware of the nature of existence." (Susan Griffin) However, it was not until reading, "The Meaning of Wife," that I truly began to confront and make peace with my existence as a female and all the roles I play as an individual and as a partner in a communion I chose.

I'm wholeheartedly disappointed to see that some reviewers have perceived the author to have a "chip on her shoulder" simply because she presents some facts on how society has perceived women who occupy the role of wife. This is a thought-provoking look at the history of how wives are perceived(and yes, let's take our blinders off people, because in one way or another, pop culture affects how we define ourselves, and it sure as heck is affecting our children!). The research is original and fascinating. I am not opposed to marriage and hope to get married one day; furthermore, I was not at all offended by the tone of the book and did not feel that Kingston was trying to discourage anyone from getting married. Instead, she seems to challenge us to define ourselves beyond restrictive labels. For those who are moaning that the book lacks a thesis, I believe it lies in the proof that she gives over and over throughout the book: not all women are the same and to lump them all in one category (ie. "the vindictive other woman", "the helpless battered woman", "the sad, single girl with her cats", "the sassy single girl with her Manolo Blahniks", etc.) has dangerous social consequences.

I really enjoyed this book. The book explores the role of the wife in society from a historical perspective and does a very good job illustrating how tht role has changed over time. I think I found the book interesting because I was able to compare my views on wifedom and marriage to the views my mom has. I have to say that being a 30 year old woman in 2005 that my perspective on my life as it relates to marriage is dramatically different than the perspective my mother had when she married my father. Back in the 1960's, there weren't the career options that exist today. There were very clearly defined roles and expectations. I think that after having read this book I can still see how society is relucutant to rid itself of those same roles - they are merely masked or contorted so that they appear different. Women today are told they "can have it all" and back then it was "this is all you get". Well, women really can't have it all and that is presenting a host of new issues for them to deal with. The reference material in this book is very good and numerous examples were selected to support each theory presented. A very interesting read for both married and unmarried individuals. I would also recommend this book as a book club selection because I can definitely see women talking about this in depth - from the heart.

I find myself disagreeing whole-heartedly with the negative reviews of Anne Kingston's The Meaning of Wife. I devoured and enjoyed every bit of this book. This was one of the best books on the subjects of women, work, and family that I have read to date. Contrary to one reviewer's beliefs, I have recently read Misconceptions and The Mommy Myth, but still found an amazing amount of original research (not to mention RECENT) in Kingston's text. Not only is The Meaning of Wife jam packed with original research, it also jellies over with meaning! I can't tell you how many times I have pulled this book BACK OFF THE SHELF since placing it there a few weeks ago upon finishing it. In the classroom, I have referenced information from this book more times than I can remember. It's a good thing I annotate! One thing is for sure, this is not another boring history book. Usually once I put a book down for over a week, I never pick it up again. I put this book down for a few months (due to a hectic end of the semester) and picked it right back up again just this past month. I finished it in record time because it was THAT interesting. But hey, that's just me. Read the book and decide for yourself.

I don't want to get married. I thought this book would be an explanation into how I feel. It turned out to be so much more, it does not bash marriage as I originally thought it would. The book is a great read right until the end, so rare in non-fiction. It has many historical facts that are fascinating! Great book, I will read it again and again.