The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop

I knew the writers (Drew and David) in the days when they were just about to publish this book. I bought one of the first copies. As a result, I've had two long-lasting, continuous relationships since then (my first husband died after ten years together). Male-male relationships ARE NOT THE SAME as male-female relationships. The dynamics are very different. I ask gay men if they went to their Senior Prom with a female, and if they say yes, I ask them if that experience had even the slightest relevance to any long-term relationships that they've had with a male. Unanimously, they say no. Our whole culture is biased in a way that messes with our expectations about long-term relationships. Women are wired to protect the nest, and males are wired to spread it around. This book provides wisdom that allows males to get past the expectations of the culture around us and forge relationships that really work, and aren't based on what we grew up with. Male-male relationships based on male-female relationships are doomed to fail, in my experience. Read the book and gain greater understanding.

This book is still the best guide to the ups and downs of gay male relationships. All the other books out there tell you how to "find" a partner/relationship, or set up a joint household, etc., but none of them tell you what being in a relationship is actually like, especially long-term relationships. The first half of the book is divided into a series of "Relationship Stages" which discuss the typical characteristics of gay relationships from 0 - 20+ years. They use interviews from several couples to highlight the point. The remainder of the book discusses the demographics, etc. of the people interviewed. The fact that the book was written pre-AIDS doesn't really make a difference. The focus here is on the emotional relationship between two men, not the sex.Just I am ready to call it quits with my husband, I open this book to discover that the troubles we are going through are quite normal. After 15 years together, I discovered we are clearly in phase 5 - taking each other for granted. But I'm looking forward to Phase 6 - Remembering. What is perhaps most impressive, is that you can see other couples exhibit the traits characteristics of various stages. Watch out for stage 2!

Do everything you can to find this book.Sometime it seems that the place my partner and I are at is a new found land. None of our friends have been together for the length of time we have and sometimes a little "compare and contrast" is required.The relationships that are featured in this book are grouped by the time they've been together and the statistics from each group as well as the stories of the couples themselves serve as a real touchstone.This book is a mandatory addition to every gay couple's library,

I'm so sad to see that this book is out of print. It has saved my relationship a number of times over the 10+ years that my partner and I have been together. We have recommended this book to lots of couples as a result.

I read this book a few years ago and learned a great deal about the typical phases relationships go through. Although the development of relationships of straights and gays are strikingly similar, this book does a great job in pointing out the differences--which at times are dramatic. I'm here at this page because I was trying to track this book to send to two gay male couples I know who are going through situations in their relationships that seem to them to be unique to just their relationship. What this book will hopefully show them is that these problems/situations they encounter are the same issues that many if not most gay couples go through. I think this type of info is invaluable when a couple's at the point of ending a relationship because of irrational expectations. The book is alos great in its offering of anectodal solutions to common relationship problems. Please, as much as I love my Mother, Scott S, RN, I'd rather listen to the words of those experienced in the scientific research of relationships. I find research, for the most part, comes off a little more objective than Mom!