The law enforcement handbook

If you're like me, the kind of person who thinks that every siren in the distance is coming for you, even if you haven't done anything technically WRONG in years, then this is the book for you. It's jammed packed with info about SWAT team raids and surveillance techniques, and helped me convinced my wife that our phones really are being monitored. She asks why on earth the police would persecute a man like me, who hasn't gone out of his house in years, and really doesn't bother anyone except the neighbor (because of his irritating dog that keeps digging into my yard); but this book helped me prove, once and for all, that the police are unbelievably sophisticated. God bless them though. They need to be. Otherwise we'd be overrun with lunatics.