The Last Goodnights: Assisting My Parents with Their Suicides

Many persons would answer "Yes" to that question. In fact, I know many who would say this is the merciful thing to do. Shift the question a little bit...what about our parents? Should they be allowed the dignity of choosing how they end their own lives? And the problem posed by the author of the book, can an adult child give comfort - even some emotional support - when a parent makes the decision to go....permanently. The book under consideration is most courageous in talking about a hard topic that most Americans don't want to hear. But all of us will die an earthly existence...and all of us have the power to make choices. I bring this topic to the table because my parents ended their life - this way. After 60 years of a good marriage, they chose to die together - in each others arms. Like Romeo and Juliet. What might be different is they were NOT terminally ill....as that is currently understood. Mentally, they were at the top of their game. But they knew that, in time, after age 83, their physical health would decline seriously. Indeed, their health was just then in the beginning process of irreversible decline. So I will share, if you will, the last letter, the very last letter, my father wrote to all his friends, to be received just after news of his death and suicide. "No doubt you were shocked to hear of our deaths, just now, before the year end holidays. But we could not wait any longer. despite our outward appearance of good health, both of us are facing imminent catastrophe. Now we still have the exercise of our own free will, which will be impossible once either of us were to be confined to a hospital or a place of convalescence. Neither of us wants to face the possibility of losing one of our life's partner, lover, companion, nor the agony of hospital stays culminating in uncertainties. Neither of us wants to continue a life deprived of some, if not most of our capacities. Neither of us wants to impose any burden on our children who certainly would do their utmost to help us, in complete disregard of their own interests. Realistically, why should we abuse the services that society provides, knowing that these would only prolong the existence of shells of our real selves. You, our good friends, know that we lived a full life, full of joys and pains like everyone's. We have tried to share our experiences with you, we have tried to help whenever we could, and mostly we have greatly enjoyed your friendship. We hope that the image that you retain in your memory will be that of ourselves as you knew us. We feel in our heart that life is worthwhile only as long as you can give something either to your family, to your friends, and to society at large. When all you can do is to take, then there is no longer any reason to go on." Consider this review food for thought. Respectfully

It is an excellent read, finely detailed, and exceptionally frank. Mr West makes, thru his story, an outstanding case for the legalization of physician-assisted suicide (which we already have in Oregon and Washington, but a long way off in California). - Derek Humphry (Hemlock founder)

As someone who works with doctors, students, and other healthcare-related individuals, I looked forward to reading this book, as the issues raised are crucially important. West does an outstanding job of contributing to current and much-needed end-of-life discourse. Just as impressive is the humanity that leaps out of every page. Here is a portrait of a family going through the most difficult of times, and Mr. West's courage, compassion, and resolve make a compelling narrative. Each character is as fully realized as in a novel, yet sadly this is not a work of fiction. Anyone concerned with end-of-life issues and choices should read this book. This is a vitally important work.

"The Last Goodnights" is a detailed heartfelt narrative by a loving son who clearly inherited the spirit of independence and willingness to face unpleasant reality his parents showed in their lives. He describes the cast of characters clearly: their strengths and weaknesses, their hopes and fears, their determination. The planning and secrecy caused him great emotional stress which he describes without excessive self-pity. As his mother slides slowly into senility he describes in detail the cruel and pitiless nature of her illness and makes clear the importance of timing: her need to extract from life whatever pleasure she could still find in it while evading the impending helplessness that would have made it impossible for her to escape the degrading downfall nature planned for her. Assisted suicide is a controversial issue but the author states, "For some people, the physical pain is the worst; for others, it's the emotional pain. Who's to say which is worse, and when enough is enough? ...There's only one person who can say: the person experiencing the pain. No one else." John West promised his mother he would write this memoir and has succeeded wonderfully in his final gesture of abiding love. Gerald A. Metz, M.D.

Astonishing! This is an important book, and also a great read! What a combination! The author takes us right to the very heart of the issue, in a deeply personal way, and shines a bright light on a world that is usually shrouded in secrecy. But his story is not grim in any way. In fact, it's remarkably uplifting. It's moving, meaningful, funny(!), sad, scary, gripping, challenging, and inspiring all at the same time. Extraordinary! I had planned to read it a bit at a time, given the subject matter, but I simply couldn't stop turning the pages. I'd recommend this book to everyone, except maybe the very faint-hearted. There are some intense scenes. But to me, that's part of what made the book so good! Even for people who aren't "into the issue" this is a worthwhile book because it's a fascinating story, it's very well written, and it's an amazing look into a hidden world. Just about everything you could want in a book. Five full stars! I'm definitely going to give this book to my friends and to all my family members, young and old. (Well, maybe not a couple of them.) It's truly a terrific read, and it's also something that can get people talking realistically about the issues. We need more kindness and dignity in this world. This book can help us get there.