The Language of Sex: Experiencing the Beauty of Sexual Intimacy

The Language of Sex--A FirstLook Feature From: www.BasilAndSpice.com Is sex keeping your relationship alive? Or better yet, is your relationship keeping your sex life alive? Dr. Gary Smalley and Pastor Ted Cunningham have just published The Language of Sex: Experiencing the Beauty of Sexual Intimacy. Written from a Christian perspective, this is Dr. Smalley's first book on the topic of sex. Long held as a taboo topic within the church, today's Christians are beginning to open up about their sex lives, its problems, and solutions. Dr. Smalley believes that sex is largely undiscussed because it is a private often uncomfortable subject, similar to talking about one's own funeral. However, to properly honor and protect the sexual relationship, he states that it must be discussed. The Bible, he writes "provides more instruction and guidance for how to make a baby than for how to take care of one! God has given us sex as a gift and it's one to be thoroughly treasured, celebrated and enjoyed."1070759-1506393-thumbnail.jpg After being in relationship ministry for 45 years, Dr. Smalley has traced most sexual issues in marriage back to relationship problems. Each marriage has a formula for great sex, beginning with honor, developing into security, leading to intimacy, and finalizing with sex. "The best sex of your life starts in your heart, not in your head or between your legs." Sex is the result of building upon a secure loving relationship. "Sexual problems are indicative of greater issues." Think about your relationship with your spouse. Do you: Consider your husband/wife to be extremely important? Value your spouse's thoughts? Have you kept your commitment to the relationship since your marriage? Sexually? Emotionally? Do you speak derisively about your spouse when he/she is present? When absent? Unresolved conflicts about work, money, friends, etc..lead to a lack of security and intimacy in marriage. Dr. Smalley believes that security must be nurtured within the relationship. Dr. Smalley's Top Tips on Growing Security Within Marriage: Guard your spouse's heart: Don't go to bed angry at each other. Commit to this, if possible, at the beginning of your marriage. You'll never need to sleep on the couch or leave the home. Create boundaries: Form a union between you and your spouse, that cannot be separated by anything or anyone. This includes old girlfriends, addictions, and parents. Don't use sex as a weapon or a reward: Do you have a headache tonight? Once in awhile, that's ok. Every time your spouse wants to have sex? That's a no-no. Do not attempt to control your marriage or spouse with sex. Sex is for both the husband's and wife's mutual enjoyment. Commit sexually to your spouse for life: Keep sex completely within the bounds of your marriage: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Enjoy make-up sex by practicing the five-minute rule: Take a five-minute break after an argument. Listen more, speak less, anger

What a great book! In our early years of marriage, we read a lot about the differences between men and women. We felt like we had very open communication about sex. But after 12 years of marriage and 3 kids later, it's easy to fall into a rut. This book has reminded us of the importance of sexual intimacy and has us talking about it again. It's relevant and has been a great discussion starter. We love the summaries and pillow talk questions at the end of each chapter. Thank you Ted C. & Dr. Smalley for sharing your stories and for making what can be an uncomfortable topic, easy to discuss.

I love this book! At first I wasn't sure I wanted my husband to read it (he doesn't need any ecouragement here), but it really validated what I need as a woman. I think some husbands take the scripture about the husband and wives bodies not being there own as a scriptural excuse for being selfish. I think Ted and Gary do a great job communicating what women need. It was a great way to discuss a topic that is sometimes really hard. I also loved all their stories, I found it a really easy read-I think this would make a great Father's Day gift!

This is an excellent book for married couples who truly want to share intimacy with each other. It put my husband's needs in perspective and gave me a totally different outlook. It's also a great book for engaged couples. It would definitely be beneficial to them! A must read for ALL couples!!!!

I think every married couple needs this book. I think it would save a lot of marriages if we could understand the importance of the intimate relationship with your spouse. It is not only learning to give but to also receive from your spouse. I highly recommend this book for every couple young and old. We have been married for 18yrs and it has help us find the excitment again!!!!!! Thank you Dr Smalley for writing this book.