The Language of Love & Respect: Cracking the Communication Code with Your Mate

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33 ESV). This verse is the basis for the Love and Respect system as promoted by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. His Love and Respect book, DVD series, and seminars have become very popular and have been a great benefit to many couples throughout the country. The fundamental principle that women need love and men need respect and that each should give what the other needs unconditionally has great value in a marriage. But how, exactly, can a man communicate love and a wife communicate respect? This is the subject of The Language of Love & Respect: Cracking the Communication Code With Your Mate, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. This book was previously published as Cracking the Communication Code but has now been helpfully re-titled in order to better demonstrate its alignment with the core love and respect principles presented in the original Love and Respect. The Language of Love and Respect can be seen as the "intermediate" or "advanced" level of the Love and Respect concept. The fundamental concepts of Love and Respect are presented in the first part of the book-- women need love, men need respect, they should not step on each other's air hose, men see the world and hear the world as men and women as women, "blue" and "pink," not wrong, just different, and the three cycles: the crazy cycle, the energized cycle, and the rewarded cycle. This recap is beneficial, but the reader would benefit from a thorough study of the original book on Love and Respect. The Language of Love and Respect then returns to each of the three cycles-- the crazy cycle, the energized cycle, and the rewarded cycle-- and expands on the concepts presented. The reader is introduced to the process by which Emerson came to his conclusions. More examples of the difficulties and how to get beyond them are presented. The reader will more likely than not find him or herself within many of those situations and thus can benefit from considering them. The focus on the "crazy" cycle is how to decode the message the spouse is presenting-- how to get behind the argued issue to understand the underlying difficulty. In the "energized" cycle, the focus is on how to apply COUPLE and CHAIRS, the means by which to energize women and men, respectively, and how to clarify communication before the "craziness" begins. For the crazy and energized cycles there is just an expansion of the concepts already presented in Love and Respect, and such is valuable. More is presented with the rewarded cycle, focusing on the "Jesus way of talking," using principles in Ephesians 4-5 regarding speaking in ways that are consistent with Jesus-- words of truth, encouragement, forgiveness, thankfulness, and Scripture. The Language of Love and Respect, therefore, is the ideal next step after one has considered Love and Respect-- finding ways to put the principles into practice in everyday communication. Th

I was really excited to see this book on my list of books to review. I have been having a hard time communicating with my husband and needed some help. Learning how each of us loves was just what I needed. I found that the way that he shows me loves motivates me to show him love and the cycle continues but when I don't feel loved I stop that circle and it can take days to get back on track. This book gave me some wonderful things to help me and him work through this cycle quicker. The energizing cycle is one example Dr. Eggerich gave as a visual to work through this cycle. He used the acronym COUPLE as a way to remember how to get through the steps(womens view) C-Closeness . I want to be close to my husband it makes me feel secure O-Openness I want to talk not just short answers open up to me U-Understanding. Don't try to fix me just understand what I am going through P-Peacemaking. Tell me your sorry. L-Loyalty. Remind me that you love me. That I am your one and only E-Esteem. Honor and cherish me MENS view CHAIRS C-Conquest. Recognize and thank him for his desire to work H-. Hierarchy. Thank him for his motivation to protect and provide for me A-Authority Acknowledge his desire to lead, he is the head of the household I-Insight. Listen appreciatively to his ideas and advice ---this one was hard for me to learn R-Relationship Value his desire for you to be his friend and stand shoulder to shoulder to him S Sexuality respond to his need for you sexually I found that when I started to understand him I was able to love him and by doing this he was able to love me. It did take a while but this book works.

The Language of Love and Respect is Dr. Eggerichs' follow-up book to Love and Respect. Eggerichs bases his books on Ephesians 5 where wives are commanded to respect their husbands and husbands are commanded to love their wives. The Language of Love and Respect is packed with practical ways for us to live out these commands on a daily basis. As a wife not particularly gifted in the area of communication, I loved the "how to" part of this book. The author goes so far as to write sentences for me to say to my husband to convey what I'm feeling. It's also good for me to be reminded that my husband is not my enemy. He simply communicates in a completely different way - like a man! My favorite part of this book was the last section about the Rewarded Cycle. Eggerichs reminds us that we are commanded by God to respect our husbands or love our wives regardless of their response. In obedience to God I must respect my husband when I don't feel like it, when I think he doesn't deserve it, and when I see no immediate response. This book gives solid, Bible-saturated marriage advice in a practical way without condemning anyone - even those who feel like they are failing. I highly recommend it! I wrote this review as part of Thomas Nelson's book review blogger program. To learn more, go to [...].

Never fear, Dr. Eggerichs second book The Language of Love and Respect is a perfect mix of make-you-think realizations and real-life applications. Now, I must admit, I didn't read his first book, titled Love & Respect, so I was worried that I be a little lost. However, the beginning of the book dedicates itself to summarizing the book's key elements in a suffice manner. Basically, men and women speak different languages: men in respect, women in love. Men see hurts as disrespectful, women see them as unloving. Then you delve into the meat of the book, the how-tos. These include tangible points that I feel you can mold to fit your own marriage. From avoiding the "crazy cycle" to talking to your spouse in the "Jesus way" I feel like this book is jam packed with the tools to mend any marriage, in any stage. I also think his emphasis on unconditional love in a marriage really hits on why communication is so important. Dr. Eggerichs contribution to couples everywhere is this little treasure. Pick it up for a little marriage helper in 2010!

I highly recommend this book! It's a marvelous complement to Love and Respect! In the Language of Love and Respect, Emerson presents the TUFTS framework for Godly communication in marriage (i.e., speak words that are truthful, uplifting, forgiving, thankful, and scriptural). The framework relies on a seamless interweaving of Scripture and practical application material that reflects the author's background in both theology and counseling. As is true of the COUPLE/CHAIRS framework in Love and Respect, the TUFTS framework is presented in a way that is easy to internalize and immediately apply. I gained numerous insights that were immediately applicable to my marriage. But beyond the immediate applicability of the material, there is another reason why I recommend the book. In our society, it's easy to make an idol of romantic love and marriage. In his first book, Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs describes what happens when a couple does this - she cries out of love and he withdraws to avoid being disrespected. In other words, the couple is on The Crazy Cycle. In Love and Respect, Emerson also explains God's plan for avoiding marriage idolatry -we are to enjoy the gift of marriage as God intends in Ephesians 5 (i.e., get on the Energizing Cycle) and acknowledge our dependency on God (i.e., get on the Rewarded Cycle). But, failing to obey God's commands in Ephesians 5 isn't the only way we can make an idol of marriage. We make an idol of marriage when we allow Ephesians 5 to become an ideology. If we do that, we forget that we shouldn't talk about what it means for a wife to respect or a husband to love, apart from the whole counsel of Scripture. Interpreting Ephesians 5 within the "whole counsel of Scripture" is what The Language of Love and Respect is all about. That's important, and I challenge you to read this book. NOTE: This book is a retitled paperback release of Cracking the Communication Code.