The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant

I felt I had to respond after one person failed miserably in reading comprehension. First, in the beginning of the book Savage made the point and he and Terry had discussed infidelity and were committed enough to their relationship that that would not be enough to break them up. As to the claims about the birthmother being mentally ill, they took care to show that she wasn't. She was able to care for herself, make logical decisions and was sane enough to know that her chosen lifestyle made it impossible to be a good mother to her son, hence choosing adoption. And they didn't relocate to get away from her. They lived in Seattle and used an agency there. She was currently living in Portland, but since she regularly moved from city to city, it wasn't an issue. In fact, those who bother to read the whole thing will discover a chapter in which they flew to L.A. to meet with her after the birth and to allow the birthfather to see the baby. (And according to the legal agreement they signed, they can't keep her from seeing the kid a certain number of times a year, and Savage himself deplored the fact that some adoptive parents don't follow the signed agreements.) A lot of the other complaints seem based on the fact that the reviewer could not tell sarcastic humor from genuine sentiment. Savage is not a hearts & roses style writer. He's a hardcore cynic and likes making shocking jokes, like his fake birthmother letter in which he jests about having drug addicted friends babysit. For every time he made a joke about a baby as an expensive hobby, he also mentioned looking forward to being able to teach him to walk and talk and later watching his Little League games. Plenty of other writers have made similar jokes about their children - Erma Bombeck said she wanted to trade hers in for dogs, Bill Cosby has written about wanting to send his to jail for being annoying. It has nothing to do with how they actually parent - they're just trying for a laugh. Plus, if he really thought it was just a lark, would he and his boyfriend have gone through so much to adopt? This book has left me much more optomistic about gay adoption, but pessimistic as to the literacy of people on the internet.

Having heard Dan Savage's reading on NPR on how having a kid enables him now to be able to cruise straight men, I was at first irked at Savage for using a baby as a writing prop. Or, maybe I was just irked because I didn't do it first. Anyway, amidst shopping in Provincetown for baby clothes for my partner's and my own impending adoption, I picked up this book, however begrudgingly. Dan, all is forgiven. "THE KID" is so laugh-out-loud funny, poignant and heartfelt that my only regret is that I didn't read it sooner. If you're gay or straight and even considering adopting, this book should be required reading as Savage bravely sets up to the plate with extreme candor about all of the things over which adopting parents fret endlessly. Not to mention all of the things that fastlane big city boys and circuit queens fret (or should be fretting) over endlessly -- aging, one's purpose in the universe, and what the heck do we do now with our lives other than stand around listening to trance music. My boyfriend thought I was insane while reading the book, one minute laughing hysterically and the next minute weeping uncontrollably. Now that he's reading it, he's doing the same. Even if you're not adopting, buy this book as Savage is the new homo heir to Shirley Jackson's wonderfully funny "Life Among the Savages". Highest recommendation.

As an adoptive parent, I can say with absolute certainty that this is the very best, most intelligent, realistic, touching, enjoyable, and hilarious book on adoption I have ever read. Anyone who has adopted, is adopted, or is planning to adopt, whether gay, straight, or in between, should read this book. As a matter of fact, anyone with a brain and a heart should read it. Hurry up and write another book, Mr. Savage.

I was reading this book while on a flight from Seattle when the guy next to me, a Seattle resident, commented that some of his friends in the Seattle gay community think that Dan Savage tends to be too open with his comments on social issues. Perhaps that's true, but it's just that sense of raw honesty that makes this book such a great read -- Savage tells it like it is, from agonizing over giving up a degree of sexual/social freedom to have a kid, his real reasons for wanting to adopt (so he can let himself get fat), to handling poopy diapers, to his concern over his slowness to feel a bond for his son once he was born. Nothing is sugar-coated with false sentimentality -- in fact, a couple of passages made me stop and think, "I can't believe he admitted that!" Especially interesting is the detailed account of the mechanics of open adoption and how they met the birth mother, a teenage street punk, and the relationship Savage and his partner developed with her. An engaging, humorous and touching story, whether you are planning to adopt or not.

I bought this book with some trepidation, but that is why I wanted the book. I wanted to know what it was like to fight for a child against the odds and especially, why a pair of queer men would want to raise a child- and you have shared that with me. Thank you. As a married 24 year old mom I take for granted the privilege of fertility. The emotions invoked in me were rather unexpected, as most parenting/adoption books use extreme sappiness and sentimentality. Instead of making me cry and think, they make me puke and zone out. (How many "This is what God wanted"'s can YOU endure...) but your straightfoward and damn honest writing captivated me, and I cried several times. Especially the wonderful explanation of the choices forced upon infertile couples as opposed to the fertile couples. I sincerly hope you write a followup novel. I think we are all hoping you will, to get a glimpse of living as a queer parent, not to mention the complexity of an open adoption. Kudos to you and Terry. Make sure that in preschool, the teacher has him plant two bean seeds in that little styrofoam cup for Father's day.