The Journey from Heartbreak to Connection: A Workshop in Abandonment Recovery

I read the author's other abandonment book first. This one is so much better. The publisher needs to start printing it again. As I read this book, I felt like she was reading my mind. How I long for my ex, even though they treated me badly. How I yearn for them. How I criticize myself. One of her principal arguments in this book is that your amygdlada, your emotional brain, is responsible for these feelings. You have to take it from the amygdala and put it into your cognitive brain. She has numerous exercises to do this. Today, there's a big push in therapy about getting connected with your feelings and how your feelings drive you. This why meditations, hypnosis, and other therapies having become so popular. Anderson provide exercises that help you get to that part of your brain. What spoke to me most about this book was the information about abandoholics. People who are addicted to the unavailable, and when someone actually likes then, the fear engulfement and push the person away. She explains the cause of this and has exercises to open yourself up to more mutual love. An excellent, excellent book. I'm not done yet, but I'm what the author says, that these experiences will take us to a richer life, are true for me. EDIT - Since getting married, I still like this book for some reasons, but then other issues frustrate me. Sometimes I do feel like I settled with my wife for getting married because we didn't have the excitement. Well then, this book is talking exactly to me then. She says that I would feel that way, and it is my amygdala who is addicted to excitement. So re-reading this book after I'm married and reading some of her blogs on thirdage is helping me really confront these issues so I can have a happy marriage.

I just wanted to comment on another reviewer's words before I give my review. The book does zero in on getting past abandonment to establish a healthy romantic relationship, but the things that made you an abandoment victim may or may NOT have had anything to do with with prior romantic situations. See more in my review that follows: I got involved with a woman who has abandonment issues that stretch back to her disapproving/abusive father, all the way up through two abusive ex-husbands. All she's ever known was abandoment (at least from an emotional perspective). Abandonment, according to this book, can cause a person create all sorts of obstacles to true emotional intimacy because they're afraid of being hurt again. Thanks, in part, to this book, we're getting past many of our respective issues (I was dumped by an ex-wife) and learning how to love each other without reservation. If you've been emotionally OR physically abandoned in your life (even if it was just an alcoholic or "absent" parent), you could be what the book calls an "abandonholic." Get this book... it's full of good stuff to help get you out of a truly destuctive mindset.

THe clarity and empathy in this work saved my life.

This book has had a profound positive effect on my life. I went through a painful breakup just a couple of months before I happened to come upon this book in the bookstore. I was so upset about my breakup, I lost over 30 lbs, (and I was thin to begin with), was put on an anti-depression by my doctor and started seeing a Therapist 3 days a week because I was suicidal. This book truely helped me to let go and to realize that loving yourself is the path to healing. It also taught me how to take my ex off the pedestal and see my relationship for what it really was and to move on with my life. This book helped me to gain a feeling of self-worth and to truely realize that I will love again and someone will love me again, but the most important thing is to love yourself.

A friend recommended this book because I lost what I thought was the love of my life to another. I thought my life was over. This book and the exercises in it got me through the worst part. Now it is helping me see that there is a way to get through it. I couldn't have done it without it. It is a must for people who have been dumped and for anyone who has had their heart broken. Your life isn't over like I thought mine was. This book is a lifesaver!