The Healing Choice: How to Move Beyond Betrayal

THE HEALING CHOICE is such an unusual book that it's hard to know what to make of it. It's actually two books in one: Brenda Stoeker's account (with commentary from her husband, Fred) of the grief she experienced when her mother died of mesothelioma, a deadly form of lung cancer, and Susan Allen's account of the betrayal she experienced when she discovered her husband's serial unfaithfulness. The connection between these two seemingly different experiences is Stoeker's contention that her grief paralleled the reaction she had to her own husband's sexual addiction years earlier. Stoeker maintains that those parallel reactions were rooted in a faulty view of God and misplaced expectations about God's promises --- and, in a sense, obligations --- to His followers. In both cases, Stoeker found herself filled with rage at God and unable to trust Him, which led to a physical and emotional breakdown as her mother suffered in the late stages of her illness. It was only when fear overwhelmed her that she was able to make a conscious decision to trust God once again. Like Stoeker, Allen's healing came when she made the decision to listen to God and do whatever she felt He was telling her to do. That's a simplification, of course; this was no easy step for her to take in light of the years of lies, deception and betrayal her husband put her through. During a period of "in-house separation" when Allen and her husband shared a roof and little more, she realized that she needed to forgive her husband whether they reconciled or not. And that was also no easy step to take. For both women, healing was truly a choice they made, and both found that their healing was greatly enriched by the company of other women --- women who had similar experiences and understood the depth of their despair. Without that support system, they believe their healing would have taken much longer to accomplish. While Stoeker offers many significant insights and much Scripture-based wisdom, I had difficulty on a personal level making the connection between grief over a mother's death and rage over a husband's betrayal. Stoeker had an unusually close relationship with her mother, and that may be a more important factor than it seems. I've known many women who recovered from a mother's death much more quickly and completely than they did a husband's unfaithfulness. Making the parallel between death and unfaithfulness seemed to be a stretch, and one that diminished the very different impact each experience might have on a woman who has suffered through both. I also wonder how many women searching for a way to cope with a husband's infidelity will have the patience to read the first part of the book. My guess is that many will jump straight to Allen's story and perhaps miss out on the specific steps toward healing offered in Stoeker's section. One solution to that potential problem may be Allen's THE HEALING CHOICE GUIDEBOOK, a practical workbook that helps betrayed women move beyond th

I am just finishing this book along with the workbook with my Small Group Program. I have also been through a similiar program with the "Unintended Journey". The only other reference material used was the Bible, the ultimate compliment to any publication. These publications have truly saved my sanity. My husband has been sexually addicted probably since before we were married and that was 40 years ago. I searched and searched for reference materials such as this for a very long, long time. Imagine my relief when information started to be published on the subject of sexual betrayal in marriage. I am very familiar with other publications by Mr. Stoeker. He has amazing insignt into what a woman feels when she has been betrayed by her husband. He has been there and done that. As for Brenda and her story about grief, I was overwhelmed with the realization that the feelings one feels when griefing are the exact feelings that are felt when there is sexual betrayal. Again, amazing insight. Because of this and other material I have been able to start my own healing process and only look to God for my total well being. How wonderful I feel about that. I look forward to the second part of this publication to come on the market, which should be very soon. I wait in anticipation.

I absolutely loved this book. I haven't read Susan's part yet, but Brenda's part was amazing. She talks about the loss of her mother to cancer and the pain she went through as a result. She discusses how her relationship with God was affected through her mother's sickness. She felt anger towards God and for a long time wasn't able to trust Him and didn't want anything to do with Him. But through determination and God's grace, she was able to pull through and grow closer to God than ever before and trust him completely. Now some might be wondering what this has to do with betrayal from a spouse. Brenda draws brilliant parallels between her hurt thoughts towards God during her mother's illness and a woman's hurt thoughts towards God during a situation of betrayal with a spouse. The connections are amazing. Brenda gives clear and extremely helpful steps in overcoming anger and frustration with God and being able to draw close to Him and rely on Him in any situation no matter what. She gives advice on how to learn to trust in Him and lean on His strength in a hard time. I loved what Brenda had to say. She was extremely sincere and the book is written very clearly. I recommend it to anyone going through a difficult time, not just sexual betrayal. It will help you to rely and trust God like never before!

This book is about the power of God to help you heal, specifically it is geared towards women who have experienced betrayal in the husband area, whether thru an affair or porn. However, the first section of this book is Brenda's story of her mother's death and how it affected her relationship with God. This first part of the book anyone can identify with and it was EXTREMELY insightful! There was a specific part where she talked about having a skewed view of God and life. She tackled the mindset of if I follow God and obey, then ... perfect life. I loved the way she gave steps to overcome this kind of thinking and the practical advice she gave. Plus her story was very intriguing and this section of the book was SO easy to read. I gained so much from this part! The second half of the book is much more specific to betrayed women. It is PACKED with resources for the hurting woman. Most importantly this part offers real HOPE to any woman in a betrayal situation or any situation where she feels worth less than God's design. This book and workbook combination are, I believe, a starting place for so many women trapped in a place where they feel alone. Its a way out. GIVE AWAY: http://4joneses.blogspot.com/2008/08/healing-choice-by-brenda-stoeker-and.html Comment and see if you win!

This book is exactly what it says - it offers you the Healing Choice. It's always our choice, and the author clearly shows us how to experience this healing if it is our choice. I have not reached the second half of the book as I am engrossed in the first half. It doesn't really matter what your situation is - her concept of "unintended journeys" applies to everyone. It's an incredible book. I can't wait to read more!