The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- To Four-Year-Old: Revised Edition

I first heard of Dr. Karp on The Dr. Phil Show. I have read many parenting books and this is one of my all time favorites! It is so easy to read and understand. The information you get from this book I have not read anywhere else - how a toddler's mind works, the "Golden Rule of Communication" and the "Toddler-ese". Dr. Karp explains this information so clearly and easily. It makes a lot of sense and best of all IT WORKS!!! You will be astonished. Here's an example: My 2 year old did not want to get out of the tub. She'd been in there forever and it was time to get dinner on the table. Finally I just drained the tub on her and she had a fit. On a scale of one to ten her tantrum was a 10. After trying Dr. Karp's techniques I saw an almost immediate result. In less than a minute she was down to a 7. In about five minutes the tantrum was over and she came out of the tub on her own. There was another surprise to this event. A couple hours later she mentioned how "Mommy had flushed her water away." I asked her if she was still mad at me and she looked at me in astonishment and said, "Oh no, we are friends, I LOVE you!" and gave me a big hug. This event actually brought us closer. Dr. Karp's techniques are very respectful to your child and really allows them to feel like they were heard. It not only calms tantrums but also helps cut down on future tantrums because your child feels closer to you. Dr. Karp really loves and respects toddlers and it shows. This book is GREAT! On an additional note, Dr. Karp has an equally great book called the "Happiest Baby on the Block." Again information you won't get anywhere else and it works. This book gives great tips on how to calm newborns and is my favorite gift for new parents. If you do happen to give it as a gift, give it before the baby is born so that the new parents can get up to speed on his techniques. I just think Dr. Karp is a genius when it comes to babies and toddlers.

The basic gist of the book is that in order to get through to our toddlers' still-developing "cave kid" brains, we need to, first, mirror what they are saying so that they know their feelings and communications have been heard and are acknowledged, and, second, use a particular way of talking that relies on short, repetitive phrases. Sounds simple in a way, but the truth is that this is not a very intuitive way to communicate -- particularly when you're dealing with a child who is very upset. The author points out that our typical response to an upset child is to talk quietly, trying to dissuade or distract the child from the situation -- and that's definitely true as far as my usual strategy . . . until I read this book. I first put the book's technique into action actually when I was still just halfway through the book. My 2 1/2 year old daughter woke up in hysterics at about 2 AM. When I went to her room half-dazed and desperate to calm her, I just reflexively resorted to the technique because I'd been reading about it the prior evening. I started mirroring her emotions with words such as, "You're crying! You say, Mommy hold me! You say, Mommy I'm scared!" As per the book's instructions, I also tried to capture at least some of my daughter's distraught emotional state in my tone of voice and with my gestures. I kept repeating the technique as she progressed through a few demands over the course of 5 - 10 minutes. But, the point is that the situation ended in JUST 5 or 10 minutes (not an hour or more as it has sometimes been in the past). I also remember clearly at one point, as I was mirroring my daughter's woes, she looked me in the eye and said, "Yeah!" She knew that she was being heard! For me, that moment showed me the validity of this technique. Toddler's are pretty smart, but they are emotionally immature ("cave kids") and their language skills are not that well developed. So, when a young child is upset and trying to get her point across, and then the parent responds with soft words that try to diminish the upset rather than acknowledge it . . . of course the kid gets even madder and more frustrated. Here she is screaming her little lungs out trying to get her point across and all Mommy does is try to hush her up. When my daughter responded "Yeah!" to my mirroring statements what I really saw in her eyes was relief: Mommy gets it! Mommy understands what I'm saying! Soon after that point, she let me calm her and put her back in her crib. And as I lay nearby until she fell back asleep, all I could think to myself was, "Oh my gosh -- this stuff works!!" I also want to mention that the rest of the book has a lot of great reminders about how to best communicate with our toddlers so that they feel respected and loved, while we get the essential outcomes we need and want to keep our kids safe and our homes sane. Reading these tips has reminded me that we can get a lot more out of our kids (and really out of life in gene

This book is well written, I have only just started using the concept and it has helped me communicate with my 2 year old son, I have noticed an immediate change in how he responds during or after a fit. :-)

Dr Karps book is excelent. As a parent who does practice attachment parrenting I found this book a life saver. I felt that I really did not have trouble with tantrums but after reading the book found that I often avoided tantrums by not setting boundaries. After reading the book I was not afraid of a trantum because I knew I could calm my child down fast. The book really gives the parent and child power, it gets you off on the right foot by opening the lines of communication needed when your child is older. when you use the active listening techniques described in the book your child with feel that s/he has something important to say and will be listened to. You do not imitate your childs tatrums but show them that you understand and speak in short simple phrases. Once your child is used to the technique you do not need to be embarassed to use it because often just the look on your face with some quiet words will bring your child around. Not to mention you will definately look better than the mom carting a screaming child around the store or screaming back at them, even if you go all out with his technique. This book is definately worth the read.

After having so much success with the Happiest Baby on the Block calmingtechniques, I could not wait to watch The Happiest Toddler on the Blockby Harvey Karp,M.D. My 22 month old grandson began to scream when I told him it was time togo inside. I spoke "toddlerese" with much expression as suggested by Dr.Karp. I said, " No No No" you do not want to go inside. He looked at me very surprised. I said, "No No No" you do not want to go inside. He looked at me again with his mouth wide open. I said again, "No No No you do not want to goinside, but we must take sister to potty." ---------he came with me without protest. In the past hewould have continued screaming for about 5 minutes and I would have picked him up kicking and screaming. Now I can't wait to read the book The Happiest Toddler on the Block Book to getmore helpful suggestions for the children in my family and in mypractice. Phyllis Meer,RN, BSN,CPNPand proud grandmother of 4.