The Grandmother Principles

As a person who felt like they could have done a better job of intentional parenting, but for whom that time is past; the idea of being more conscious of how we relate toward grown children and grandchildren was very interesting. Ms. Elgin's ideas are always practical and realistic, and often very creative. I especially liked her suggested solution for a policy regarding loaning money to grown children and grandchildren. She was clear and emphatic in expressing how a grandmother's contributions can create a core for a family that greatly aids stability and cohesiveness. She suggests things that can be very meaningful over an extended period, and then explains why those things are effective and meaningful. The why's of her book struck home for me, and the things I have shared with other people have been received with positive interest. I highly recommend the book, and agree with her assertion that grandmothers can provide a badly needed haven for family members in a world that can be overwhelming, often confusing and sometimes actively cruel. I also appreciate that many of her ideas are about how to make life easier and more rewarding for yourself and those you spend time with. She even covers thoroughly how these things apply to long-distance grandmothers who have to do most of their grandmothering over the telephone or through the mail.

"In most traditional cultures," Elgin quotes Sheila Kitzinger as saying, "grandmothers are people of immense importance and authority." And she goes on to tell us how, and to tell us why it's worth being that, if you aren't already. I coach men and women in midlife transition, and it gave me many practical tips for passing on to clients. While Elgin had only one participating grandmother, I had two, but they could not have been more different. However, like the "survivors" she describes in her book, who thrived throughout chaos and hardship because they had "one adult they could count on," it is my grandmothers who made me who I am, and to whom I return, in my heart and in my mind, when things get tough, or when I need to know how to do something, or how to be. Elgin states eloquently what my grandmothers meant to me, and what I hope to be for my grandchildren, and what you can be for yours. You'll find her no-holds-barred approach to realitymost helpful, and her down-to-earth practical tips most welcome. She'll clarify a lot of things you're aware of in the back of your mind but may not be able to put your finger on. This book is almost a call to action -- in today's fast-paced and changing society, where family life can seem to a child like a rapid-fire slideshow of new houses, new neighborhoods, new towns, new jobs, a new mom, a new dad, new culture, new religion, new church, new siblings, new step-siblings, what remains the same? Perhaps you, the grandmother--in your heart, in your approach, in your ways, and in your steadfast love. read it. You'll be glad you did. P.S. She's especially good about the parts that are hard for use grandmothers, or me anyway. She calls it "the velvet glove". You'll know just what she means!

For the grandmother who is new to the role or who has been at it for a long time, this book is sure to offer solutions to the "what to do" questions of effective grandmothering. Suggestions for what to do in assembling a family history, a family loan system and a family newsletter are practical and fresh. Also included are ideas for establishing and maintaining supportive, helpful relationships with your adult children and your grandchildren while honoring your own limits of time, energy, and financial resources.

"Grandmother Principles," presents practical, useful, and easy-to-apply suggestions for making the Grandmother experience a VERY good one. Without taking herself too seriously (cartoons run rampant through the book), Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D.(in Linguistics) tells in comforting detail how to be a Grandmother who is welcomed in any family. Grandmother as reliable (not overbearing) source, as clear communicator, as kinship connection - these ideas and more, author Elgin presents with warmth - and the understanding experience that having ten grandchildren herself has provided. MUST reading for Grandmothers & Grandmothers to be. A great gift idea also for parents of young children to give to their own parents. This book is a a what-to-do, what-not-to-do Godsend! -Sandy Gordon

THE GRANDMOTHER PRINCIPLES not only explains the ancient art of grandmothering but also gives very detailed techniques that can be used by a grandmother to enhance her relationship with her grandchildren. It is full of very good, very useful ideas.