The Grand Illusion: Love, Lies, and My Life with Styx

In the mid-1960s, Chuck Panozzo and his twin brother John formed a small band. Joined by neighborhood pal Dennis DeYoung, the seeds were planted for what would eventually become one of the greatest rock bands in history: Styx. However, Chuck was also facing his own personal demons during this time that, over the course of the next several decades, threatened to consume him. Those demons were homosexuality and AIDS. In the course of this moving autobiography, Chuck describes his life as a gay man performing with a rock and roll supergroup while trying to keep his identity a secret. Chuck and his twin brother John grew up in the Italian-American section of Chicago known as Roseland. Both boys were talented musicians; John on drums and Chuck on rhythm and bass guitar. They were soon joined by Dennis DeYoung on accordion. The boys soon began playing local clubs, weddings, and other events. As the years passed, James Young and eventually Tommy Shaw joined the group. The group was called Styx and, during the late 70s and early 80s, ran off an unprecedented string of four consecutive triple platinum albums. Despite their musical success, the Pannozos were dealing with their own inner secrets; John with acute alcoholism and Chuck with his sexual identity. As the years passed, John ultimately lost his battle with alcohol, passing away in 1996. Meanwhile, Chuck was diagnosed with HIV which eventually lead to full-blown AIDS. Despite the diagnosis, Chuck managed to keep his secret hidden from everyone, including his band mates. Although he had had several fleeting relationships with other men, Chuck had never had a real relationship, instead preferring to hide behind his music. During this same time, Styx went through changes of its own. The band broke up in 1984 due to philosophical differences between Dennis and Tommy. Chuck went into a state of deep depression due to lack of work. However, the band re-formed in 1990, minus Tommy Shaw. A relatively successful tour accompanied the release of the Edge of the Century album. But, once again, the band dissolved. Chuck slid deeper into his own shell as well. In 1995, the band re-formed once again, this time with Tommy Shaw. Another tour was planned, but Tommy, Dennis, and JY didn't want John to come along due to his heavy drinking. Chuck was left to break the news to him. The band went on another tour the following year, and a studio album was planned. The album once again brought out the differences between Tommy, JY, and Dennis. This lead to the band replacing Dennis with Lawrence Gowan. Meanwhile, Chuck had still kept his homosexuality a secret. He was receiving treatment for his HIV and was getting healthier. Chuck came out on July 28, 2001. Today, Chuck lives in a committed relationship in Miami and still tours with the re-vamped Styx line-up. I've been a huge fan of Styx since I was in high school, and I was pleasantly surprised to find this book. I read it in two settings

As a huge Styx fan, I adored this book. It's much more a story about Chuck and his personal feelings than about the band, but extremely fascinating nonetheless. Chuck has a way of being very subtle about things, in a very charming way. For instance, he doesn't say bad things about Dennis, per se. He just .... lets you know that things haven't gone well there. And his adoration for Tommy Shaw is obvious, as he respects him as a musician and as a friend. You get a very clear sense of how Chuck thinks, and why he made the choices he did. While it is refreshing to see someone so willing to take responsibility for his choices, I think Chuck was a tad too harsh with himself for not coming out sooner. The truth is, he did the band a great service by keeping quiet. It's not just a possibility that being gay would have hurt the band, it's a certainty. Only a few years after the height of Styx' popularity, Billy Squier's career was ruined by the mere PERCEPTION he was gay, based on the ill-advised "Rock Me Tonight" video. (Whether he is gay or straight isn't known or even the issue, the perception was there, based on one stupid video. A lot of his fans deserted him overnight.) So if Chuck had come out sooner, he would have ruined the careers of several people in an instant. It is sad that such conditions existed, and maybe still exist to some degree, but that is the way of it in the macho rock world. Chuck has done amazing things, and this book is a wonderful resource for anyone who wrestles with such secrets. He tells his story in a straightforward, open, and humorous manner. Great, great book.

Being a 45-year-old heterosexual male who has been married for 22 years, I found "The Grand Illusion: Love, Lies and My Life With Styx," by Chuck Panozzo with Michele Skettino, a writer from New York City, to be really intriguing and interesting. Not just from a Rock N' Roll history point of view, this book reveals the secret life of one of the founding members of the mega-hit Rock band Styx from the late 70's and early 80's. Fortunately, Styx is still recording and playing concert dates as of late 2007 and they have been around almost 40 years now. Growing up in Memphis, Tenn., I saw Styx in concert during "The Grand Illusion" tour in downtown Memphis in 1977 and the "Pieces of Eight" and "Cornerstone" tours in 1978 and 1979 at The Mid-South Coliseum with the original members, Panozzo, his brother, John, Dennis DeYoung, Tommy Shaw and James Young (JY). They were an incredible performance band with an excellent sound and lights playing such hit songs as "Miss American," "Lady," and "Crystal Ball," just to name a few. I was surprised to read later in the book that DeYoung who was a founding member sued the band because the others made decisions about the band's future without his input. Panozzo does not mention how the lawsuit turns out. Although, I am not into the "Gay thing," I found Panozzo's book to be written with sincere honesty and integrity. Living in Southcentral Kentucky for the last 20 years, Gays still tend to live in the shadows just like in most parts of the South especially in small towns. Panozzo tells of being with diagnosed with HIV/AIDS and starting treatment, suffering with side effects from taking 23 pills a day. Then he writes about his coming out in the open and getting involved on a national level in Gay activism. I enjoyed reading about how Panozzo, who played bass in the band, and his brother, John Panozzo, who played drums, who by the way both achieved college degrees, grew up in a south side of Chicago in a large Italian Catholic family. He writes about his dad, mother and sister as well as his large extended family who would get together at family gatherings and play music. Panozzo also talks about a favorite uncle who played a major roles in the Panozzo brothers choice of heading in the direction of a music career. Panozzo also writes about attending Catholic Schools with mean nuns and at one time-attended seminary at the age of 15 for a year. But as we all know, that didn't work out. I converted to being a Catholic in 1990 and one of the things that concerns me about Panozzo's book, is that he says that when he dies he wants to have a Catholic funeral and burial. However, the Catholic Church still does not accept homosexuality according to Catholic teaching, at least not openly. However, there are rumors and rumblings that there are priests across America in Catholic faith communities who are Gay. But it's not for me to judge or decide about Panozzo's funeral arrangements. One

There's enough Styx "stuff" to keep the casual fan interested, but this is much more the story of how a gay man survived being in a huge rock band. This is very well written, and almost feels like he is sitting there telling you this himself. He's honest and doesn't try to sugar coat anything, including the most painful moments. His insight on what it's like to hide your true self from the world is inspiring for anyone, gay or straight, who isn't comfortable in his or her own skin. Anyone who has struggled with the role of religion in their life, particularly issues with the Catholic Church, will find themselves identifying with Chuck's struggles. And anyone dealing with an addict will recognize themselves and their loved ones in Chuck's ultimately unsuccessful attempts to be caretaker for his brother, John. Chuck also deals with the far-too-common issue of people with HIV living in denial. The fact that he has made it back literally from the brink of death is a testament to his resiliency, as well as the efforts of doctors & medical researchers. I found this to be an ultimately uplifting story of a man finally coming of age and finding his voice in the world.

Chuck Panozzo has written a startlingly fine book -- fascinating, cool, funny, sad, eye-opening, and, finally, inspirational. What more can you ask? The story of the formation of one of America's mega-groups is enough to draw any reader in -- whether a STYX fan or not. But the behind-the-music description of Chuck's life as a closeted [...] man in a not-too-accepting rock world is the heart of the book. You can feel his pain as he hides his secret life while others tap into the rock world's perks. You will never forget Chuck's story; I know I won't.