The Friendship Factor: How to Get Closer to the People You Care for

I bought this book over 20 years ago at my childhood summer camp bookstore and I have definitely gotten my money's worth. Having been read and re-read over the years, it is one of the most worn out books I own and definitely one of the most valuable. This book not only tells you how to get great friends but how to be a great friend and how to take the friendships you have to a deeper and more meaningful level. I'll often pick it up for a re-read when I feel a tension in my friendships or when I just want to refocus on the people I love.

I believe that if the entire world read this book we would be a happier, healthier, friendlier, more supportive, more understanding and a more tolerant planet. I think this book should be required reading in schools! This book is as applicable today as it was when it was written over 20 years ago. Maybe even more so. Even if you think you have the right approach to people and relationships and even if you feel all your relationships are healthy... you could learn from this book. I guarantee there are things in this book that you have not thought of.I love this book and I highly recommend it because I believe it will benefit you and make you a better person. It had a great impact on me. I intend to read it annually.The author gives ideas on how to deepen friendships. These include: 1) Assign top priority to your relationships 2)Dare to talk about affection 3)Learn the gesturs of love (i.e appreciating someone offering help and graciously accepting this help) AND 4) CREATE SPACE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP (in other words don't CONTROL, don't strangle ~ let them grow and breathe!!!The author also gives pointers on cultivating intimacy. He suggests that you 1) Be liberal with praise 2) Learn to LISTEN (such as asking questions the other will enjoy answering, get the other to talk about themselves and dispensing advice SPARINGLY) 3) Use your body to demonstrate warmth AND 4) Talk freely about your feelings (Dare to need the other person and let them feel that and benefit from it)A quote from the book that I especially like is: "Don't stop expressing needs because of occasional disappointment - you'll end up bedding down with disappointment as your constant companion."You will also find ideas on how to handle negative feelings w/o destroying the relationship; how to disagree and understand at the same time and alternative methods of ventilating your anger.Another quote I appreciate: "If you dish it out - you have to take it" !!!!!Other interesting subjects in this book are: 1) The art of creative forgiveness 2) Eros - It's power and problems and 3) Loyalty, an essential ingredient.The author writes in an easy to read fashion and backs up his suggestions and ideas with many quotes from people far and near, young and old and from other books. If you have not read this book yet... do so now. I suspect that you will find it as wonderful and helpful as I did. You and your relationships will be the better for it.What is better in this world than people and healthy relationships with them. These are the things that matter. All else is dust in the wind.

I am writing this review because I firmly believe that my life will be incomplete without friends. My personal history is full of troubles and problems with people. I have a hard time dealing with my friends. Anyway, my roommate have this book lying around, so I picked it up. I read it and I really like the suggestions. I found some of the short stories to be really heartwarming and strong. After reading this book, I have some self motivation to become a better person and a better friend. In some sense, I think this book gave me a lot of personal growth. I subsequently became a better person and I think I am more sensitive now than before. My awareness and motivation have changed my attitude and technique in talking to people. I heartily recommend this book for anybody who wants to know how to be a better talker, listener or friend.

I've read this book twice and given it to several people, including my mother who said, "Everyone should have this as a reference book in their home." The author, who doesn't conceal his Christian background, does the best job of anyone I've read at putting core human ethics and etiquette into a package without a hint of religious language or preachiness. There are stories in "The Friendship Factor" that have stayed with me for 15 years and are as powerful as any lecture, advice or sermon I've heard.

This book is excellent at helping you develop an "Emotional Intimacy" with the relationships in your life with your spouse, children, and close friendships. If you don't have any friendships, this will help you create some. :) One book that I would HIGHLY recommend to just about anyone.