The Family of Max Desir

Max Desir comes from an old Italian family, but his parents left the old country and made a new home for themselves in New Jersey. As he grows up, Max discovers his own preference for men, but nothing ever becomes too serious. Until he meets Nick during a trip through Italy. They live together for a few months in Rome, then move back to the U.S. when they decide it's time to settle down.John, Max's father, doesn't take to the idea that his son is a homosexual; his mother, Marie, accepts her son and acts as a buffer between the two. But after 15 years of keeping them civil, she succumbs to cancer, and John struggles to accept both Max and Nick while dealing with the loss of his Marie.This is a beautiful story about a family dealing with old values, acceptance and death. The character of Max is one of the strongest I've read, and I emapthized with him. I could feel his anger and confusion, his sense of loss, his struggle to be accepted and to have Nick accepted by his father as part of the family. Very realisitc, too, in its rendering of the family and how it reacts to obstacles placed in its way. No shiny, happy ending but no sterotypically tragic one, either.

Max is a son and brother. His uncle was badly injured in a car accident and his mother had a stroke and then a tumor necessitated a wig--this was the beginning of a progression. Marie was Sicilian. She and her mother Angela and her father, Danilo, had come to America when she was a small girl. Marie Defilippo met John Desiderio at a party. After marriage they lived in an apartment in Englewood. John's employer suggested that the name be shortened to Desir. Massimo Desir, Max, was born in 1941. He was the third of four children. The family moved to Indian River where they lived for 25 years. Later Marie and John moved to Hillcrest. There was also a summer house. After college Max traveled in Europe and settled for a while in Rome where he started writing. That was in the past. In the present Marie is undergoing radiation treatment. She sees the sun rise. She makes her family to buy a red boat, a catamaran, for the grandchildren to use. Max becomes the exotic Uncle Max. He hears a voice. He is aware in the morning of having had violent informative dreams. A trapunto tapestry is presented to Marie and John Desir by a grandchild. It is a family tree.Marie is dying. She is subject to inertia. She has to be called out of a daydream when addressed. Family members care for her and Marie remains at home until her heaviness and lack of response require skilled nursing. The third person the agency sends Brings her baby Aisha who proves to be a delight to Marie and the family. Then Marie cannot distinguish people and barely eats. John cannot admit to himself that Marie is going to die. The family hovers, and then death. The doctor is called, the men from the funeral home arrive.The author shows Max and his sister Robin at the funeral home changing the make-up to achieve a more familiar appearance and correcting the mistake of putting on the wig upside down. It is determined there will be a closed casket for the wake, but that John will have his own private viewing before each session. After her death, Max realizes that his relationship to his mother has not changed.The portrait of the father in the book is priceless. The novel is well-written, compelling.

With all the contemporary emphasis on gay disco lives, it's wonderful to find a book that is simply about life and everything in it. This book is truly about family. It is about the struggles so many of us must face every day, far beyond the days when coming out seemed our biggest drama. As Max's mother withers away from cancer, a very human portrait emerges of a very usual American family.