The Face in the Mirror: Writers Reflect on Their Dreams of Youth and the Reality of Age

Is who you are now the person you expected you would be? Is there a dichotomy between your reality and the fantasy of your childhood yearnings? Editor Victoria Zackheim asked these questions to compile //The Face in the Mirror: Writers Reflect on Their Dreams of Youth and the Reality of Age//, and received eloquent and intelligent reflective essays from twenty talented writers from diverse backgrounds. Syndicated columnist and novelist Joyce Maynard observes that, "sooner or later, the truth about who you really are is likely to slip out," a theme found in many of the essays. It seems that with age comes a certain acceptance, and appreciation for oneself, especially if, like Alan M. Dershowitz, we have exceeded even the best hopes anyone held for us as children, but even if we happen to end up looking exactly how we hoped we'd never look, or acting just like our parents. Despite re-occurring themes, each essay manages to surprise and delight. Reviewed by Robin Martin

Face in the Mirror: Writers Reflect on Their Dreams of Youth and the Reality of Age, ed. Victoria Zackheim, features twenty writers looking themselves in the face. How did they see themselves when they were young and had their lives in front of them? What (usually bad) decisions did they make as they struggled to figure out their life direction and relationship choices? What have they learned since then, and who are they now? The writers are honest and intriguing, and the wisdom of age is affirmed in every story. Sometimes the "face in the mirror" theme is literal: appearance, self-image. Other times these writers look at their upraising, their goals, their career choices, their relationship mistakes. The stark difference between where they though they were headed and where they actually ended up should be a useful warning to young people fretting about their goals. Whatever you plan won't work the way you think. And that's usually a good thing. Joan Price Author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty

According to the editor, "the heart of this anthology beats around one prevailing question: When you look in the mirror, who do you see?" Of course, the obvious answer would be "I see me." Not what Zackheim was looking for. The challenge is to look at ourselves in terms of whether the image in the mirror reflects the achievement of childhood dreams, or whether the image is far removed from one the contributors thought they would be seeing at this stage of their lives. The answers are as varied as the people writing. For most of the contributors, there was quite a dissonance. Dreams and reality often don't mesh. Not one of these writers actually planned to be a writer. The closest may have been Eileen Goudge, who originally wanted to be a dancer. She was told she didn't have the body of a dancer and so became a writer. She observed "This wasn't as much of a stretch as you might think. Both professions demand a large degree of flexibility--in the case of writers, bending the truth and creating plot twists--and both require you to express yourself in public, often in ways that might prove hazardous." Isn't this a delightful analogy? Several used writing as a back-up, or second choice, when their original careers faltered or when they were going through tough times. A few expressed that writing was an outlet, a way to preserve sanity and a sense of self. Some knew only what they didn't wish to be. Malachy McCourt, growing up in abject poverty, said "One thing I was absolutely certain about in my Irish childhood was what I did not want to be, and that was me I myself." No one wanted to be their parents, though some thought it was somewhat of an inevitability. In this case, I surmise, never say never. More than one of these writers recognized that they had a great need to be noticed, some as a result of early neglect, some due to sibling rivalry, and some because they feared losing the essence of self. In her own piece, Zackheim says that for many of her growing up years, "the girl in that mirror became defined more by the expectations of her parents and her teachers than by her own." Perhaps this is a rite of passage. Lee Chamberlain believes that "The face I see in the mirror is a work in progress." This book is timely for a generation of Baby Boomers, coming into their later years in a society when we are often judged by what we do, rather than who we are. These writers share hard-won wisdom as they look back over their own lives. Perhaps this will encourage readers to do the same. Perhaps, in the end, we might all learn the lesson the editor offers: "...although it took six decades, I finally understood that being a somebody is not the opposite of being a nobody. It is, in fact, being oneself." Perhaps, being encouraged to explore self as a result of reading this anthology, some readers will learn this lesson much earlier in life. by Susan Ideus for Story Circle Book Reviews reviewing books by, for, and about women