The Empty Nest: 31 Parents Tell the Truth about Relationships, Love, and Freedom After Children Fly the Coop

This book was loaned to me by a friend who had already experienced her kids leaving for college, & I liked it so much I bought it in paperback so I could re-read it! A nice collection of "stories" of parents that have been through it and their thoughts. Lots of insight that parents can use!

I have to admit that on several visits to our public library, I saw this book on display. One time I thumbed through it, and on several occasions I almost checked it out. But I never did; maybe it was fear or denial, but I didn't look forward to "losing" the last of our three kids to college. A few weeks later our youngest of three children graduated from high school, signaling that our own empty nest was imminent. And then at the commencement exercises--voila!--a good friend handed me the book as a graduation present. I was glad that she did, and I was glad that I read about the experiences of other parents. Standard wisdom suggests that two of the most stressful junctures of any marriage are when the first child arrives and when the last child leaves. But as these parent-authors show, in the best circumstances, the departure of your youngest child to college can be yet another thread in the rich tapestry of life. Bittersweet, yes, but also richly rewarding. It's a tremendous paradox, too. Is there any other job, asks Ellen Goodman, that defines success as making yourself unnecessary? Our goal as parents, after all, is to raise our kids to leave us, and if they don't, then in some measure we have failed. When our first two kids in college came home for holidays, upon their return trip to school I would ask them, "does returning to college feel like you are leaving home or returning home?" At some point they transitioned, and leaving their family meant returning to their new home of college friends. That was hard to hear as a parent, maybe, but just what you wanted to hear, too. Most of these essays are written by mothers (24 of the 31 chapters). I appreciated the life wisdom of those parents who were further down the road and had gained more perspective and distance from the early traumas of emptying the nest. I especially appreciated reading how there are many different ways to experience healthy family dynamics. Stabiner does a good job of collecting stories from widely different perspectives--gay and straight, single dads and moms, Cuban and black parents, grandparents, families that appear more healthy and whole and others that have experienced deep heartaches and tragedies. Reading these stories helped to demystify my fear of the unknown, and to help me realize that whatever losses the empty nest bring, there are also unique joys ahead.

This is a wonderful collection of essays that actually read like short stories. The editor has done an excellent job ensuring variety of tales, consistently high quality writing, and engaging stories for many parents. No essay is more than 6 to 8 pages in length. Each is created by highly talented writers with very witty, insightful, and moving personal stories to share. It took me a year to open the book after it was gifted to me by sweet Winnie, mostly because I was dealing with my own transitions as my own daughter was leaving the nest. Many of the writers wrote their stories years after their nests were emptied, giving them the wisdom of hindsight that is so well infused in their writing. Great great stories. Don't miss them!

My son will not be going off to college for another year, but he went to a 3 week program "far away" at the beginning of the summer, and this book's title appealed to me. I've since sent it to two friends in similar situations, and it's quite the hit. The various writers examine all aspects of the empty nest experience, and present all kinds of emotional responses. Reading this made me feel anything but empty. It's fantastic, encouraging and uplifting.

The strength of family relationships is as American as baseball and apple pie. And Karen Stabiner has assembled an extraordinary collection of essays that would pull at the heartstrings of even the most stoic of us. These stories of transition, told by parents facing the empty nest, resonated at many levels. From the son who pushed his Mom away so he would be free to individuate to the daughter for whom it was too painful to move away from home, this engaging book provides something for just about everyone. The authors, writing about both their practical and emotional concerns, put the reader directly in the moment and into their process of separation from their children. For me it was a reminder of that chapter of my life - and of how much our relationships have changed, once again, now that our children are married with families of their own. Besides being extremely entertaining, this book normalized my feelings and validated my experience of that time of life. Storytelling is really the best teacher. Humor and wisdom, pathos and advice were sprinkled throughout the essays. Short stories often leave me flat, ending before they go deep enough. But not these. As a collection, they manage to say it all. If you're a Baby Boomer parent, getting over the sadness of separation and enjoying being truly free for the first time in years, don't get too comfortable. Before too long, your emerging adult children could be boomeranging back home.