Dark Side Of Love

I read this book after reading Brigid Brophy's, "Black Ship to Hell," and was well rewarded with finding that Jane Goldberg had tackled the Eros/Thanatos connection with a bold re-estimation of the function of "negative" emotions and how they are not only beneficial, but also, necessary to our individual identity. While another reviewer labels her as Freudian, it should be remembered that Freud is the father of modern psychology and his theories have initiated a deeper understanding of human nature. It could even be said that Freud and Jung (who originally studied under Freud) say the same thing, just in a different way. Erik Erikson, who is popular among many is also "Freudian," and devotedly so. What I liked most about, "The Dark Side of Love," was that the author provides concrete examples and explanations without over-generalizing the concepts and ideas into aphorisms, and even debunks some of the aphorisms used by therapists to manipulate their patients. The authors "evolutionary" description of the psyche and her committment to the individual self is progressive when compared to those beliefs and "truths" that attempt to subjugate the individual and pressure surrender to "the good of the many," or expound mystical self-annhilation under religious tenets. All-in-all, I would recommend this book to anyone who is genuinely interested in self-improvement, and is looking to evolve beyond the ordinary.

Jane Goldberg is a Freudian through-and-through, and so has a tendency to say that such-and-such is "always" caused by this, or "always" a sign of that. But she's a fun Freudian, going through the tales of Oedepus and Narcissus with a surprisingly relevant take, and skillfully folding in references to Shakespeare and the like. Her basic premise is that we don't learn how to deal with hate and anger as children, being told instead that "hate is a four-letter word" and "if you don't have something nice to say..." For a society that's long recognized that children who don't learn about love grow up to be adults who don't know how to love, we're very slow (which is why the book is still so relevant even though it was published in 1993) to see that the same is true about hate. Hate (rage, irritation, jealousy, aggression) is a powerful emotional that deserves recognition and respect. Goldberg argues compellingly for a change in our approach to anger "management." The prose is, unfortunately, highly repetitive, but you get used to it. It's still a useful and intelligent read. I particularly recommend it for people who are still new to self-analysis.

A remarkably well-written book - a MUST for everyone's library. It is a book about all of us, and on how to understand and manage *love* - this most important aspect of each of our lives. It is a more than worthy successor to such classics as Erich Fromm's "The Art of Loving," Thomas Harris's "I'm OK, You're OK," and M. Scott Peck's "The Road Less Traveled." If you should have the even the *slightest* reason to do so, I would strongly urge you to *read* this book!William Antonio Boyle, 17 April 1999.

A remarkably well-written book - a MUST for everyone's library. It is a book about all of us, and on how to understand and manage *love* - this most important aspect of each of our lives. It is a more than worthy successor to such classics as Erich Fromm's "The Art of Loving," Thomas Harris's "I'm OK, You're OK," and M. Scott Peck's "The Road Less Traveled." If you should have the even the *slightest* reason to do so, I would strongly urge you to *read* this book!William Antonio Boyle, 14 December 1998

For me this book helped me see beyond the Holliwood vision of relationships. It gave me a framework for understanding them as they really are; lots of hard work and occasional pain.