The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self

Anyone looking for a good self help book for anxiety for speaking up, or fear of public speaking, social anxiety workplace stress, family stress

Rebeccasreads highly recommends THE DANCE OF FEAR as book about the tangled tango of life with people -- sometimes you lead & sometimes you follow, & if you know what makes you tick, who's doing what isn't nearly as important as who's in charge of you, & that talking it out is the one thing that really helps. Dr. Lerner doesn't write trite self-help hand books, the questions she asks & the answers people give her set the scene for her articulate insights. Take time to read THE DANCE OF FEAR because it's about what these emotions are, how we behave because of them, what harm happens when we don't know what's driving us, & how we react to events, great & small, that have us frozen in the headlights or hiding away from life.

If I had to pick one word to describe this book, I'd say "wise." Lerner avoids two traps of therapist-authors: She doesn't rely on theory and jargon and she doesn't jettison her education to serve up easy-to-swallow formulas. She's not afraid to talk tough and to season her wisdom with humor.I love her opening. Cats live in the moment, she says, and goes on to compare the relative advantages of being a cat versus being a human. But then, she concludes, it doesn't matter: if you're reading this book, it's safe to say you're not a cat.And unlike many authors, Lerner offers a balance between relationship and work stresses. She describes a powerful but controversial intervention she designed for a young man who feared social rejection. While she reminds us she took into account the young man's non-threatening persona, I'm still amazed he didn't get arrested. The point, however, is well-taken. Action, not insight, creates change.I especially appreciate Lerner's advice: "Be able to live without your job." She's right: being free to walk allows you to speak up for your values. And although she doesn't make this point, I've found that when we're free to leave, we usually end up neither having to leave nor wanting to go.And, adds Lerner, remember that the workplace is not your family. Organizations exist to ensure their own economic vitality -- i.e, their own survival. "Your work family may treat you in such an insensitive and uncaring manner that it will take your breath away." SO true.Dealing with emotion, Lerner is more realistic than most authors. Recognizing unhappiness requires courage, yet unhappiness itself can help us become brave enough to make changes. Anger and suffering can become part of who we are, so letting go leads to a feeling of homesickness. All in all, a superb addition to the self-help shelf. Recommended to all.

Once again Dr. Harriet Lerner has taken complex psychological dynamics and made them thoroughly comprehensible for the general public. This time Dr. Lerner has tackled fear, anxiety and shame and through numerous examples - both personal and anecdotal of other's experiences - has enabled the reader to feel understood, not pathologized but 'simply human'. Always a pleasure to read, Dr. Lerner brings the wisdom and honesty of a seasoned practitioner translating human emotional life into something at once accessible and instructive. I loved her blend of eastern mindfulness with western psychotherapy techniques. As a psychotherapist for nearly 30 years I have heard countless stories of people suffering from shame,anxiety and, increasingly over the last few years, of fear/terror. I will recommend this book to many people, including other colleagues who I'm sure will find it comfoting, inspiring and enormously useful.

For the last few years, I've been doing research for a book addressed to otherwise healthy people who feel traumatized by the news--that is, people suffering political depression. So I was elated to find not only confirmation of this phenomenon in Harriet Lerner's wonderful book, but also genuinely helpful advice on dealing with it. When a whole culture is distressed, she writes, "it will develop an anxiety disorder all its own." Certainly, newspapers today offer plentiful evidence of national angst. Every sentence in Fear and Other Uninvited Guests resonated...and relieved. Individually and collectively, life is a process, pain is a teacher. I guess it's not merely coincidence that Harriet's last name is Lerner. Reading her, I felt like one too.