The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me

While serving as chaplain of an oncology ward, seeking to offer hope and encouragement, I found that many of the patients encouraged me with their stories and their determination. Bruce Feiler brings his own determination to the table in his battle with cancer, chronicled in The Council of Dads. His plan is similar to what soldiers do to help their families during a prolonged deployment, especially in wartime. Kids need a father-figure to fill in the gap. Bruce assembled a team to be his "voice". Because Bruce has written three books on Biblical themes I was surprised to hear very little about God as one of his resources. He's not even angry at God. I would've thought that his faith might have played some part, and perhaps it did, but I don't see that in the book. God's barely there. Although no one wants to be defined by their illness, Bruce in his "lost year" gained a new job, that of getting well, assembling his team, and preparing his daughters...and often our jobs define us. I bet he does not see this as a wasted year. I've read all of Bruce's books except the one on Country music (I don't care for it), and I was prepared for the burden of reading a very sad book, only to happily discover this is a book about living and taking action to form a meaningful life. As someone said, "Everyone dies; not everyone lifes." In his engaging style, Bruce tells stories about his life and is more open, more vulnerable than ever before. Like his travel books, he takes us along for his journey through illness, battling the "monsters" (his metaphor) and not giving up. I spent most of the day yesterday reading The Council of Dads. I had a chance today to hear Bruce speak at Trinity Church in Boston, but I got called to the hospital to visit a sick member of my church. I hope I was able to convey some of the strength I picked up in Bruce's book.

I was so grateful to win a copy of this book thru Good Reads First Look. I liked it a lot and it reminded me of combining Randy Pausch and Mitch Albom style of writing with humor, great lines, awesome quotes, and deeply spiritual and moving. The author, Bruce Feiler talks about his childhood and an unfortunate accident that happened when he was a kid. Fast forward years later and he learns that he has cancer. As he worries about his twin girls he and his wife decide on the council of Dads, 6 men that Bruce picks to represent him in the event of his death. Each man comes from a different time in Bruce's life, not family but ones who mean the most to him. I really loved this idea and it really does make you think about your own mortality as you are reading this. He literally goes thru hell and back with his chemotherapy treatments and pain from the surgeries. Bruce is an inspiration and I urge everyone to pick up a copy of this great book!

Bruce Feiler, the well-known author of Walking the Bible, has written a book that addresses one of the deepest fears of a parent: the fear of dying while our children are still young. We fear our death will leave our children stricken and lost. We equally fear they will not be stricken, that they will be perfectly fine and not remember us at all. When Feiler discovers he suffers from a particularly virulent form of cancer, he faces all these fears and more. His twin daughters are young, just 3-years-old. He is leveled by thoughts of what might never be: "I kept imagining all the walks I might not take with them, the ballet recitals I might not see, the art projects I might not mess up, the boyfriends I might not scowl at, the aisles I might not walk down." Feiler's solution is ingenious and touching: he decides to assemble a "Council of Dads," a group of six men who will help guide his daughters through life in his stead. They are the friends and colleagues who have known him best in life, men who will be able to tell his daughters who their dad was. "Will you help be their dads?" he asks them. The book follows Feiler as he enlists each prospective Council member. As he talks with each one, he reveals the unique qualifications of each as he recounts the history shared by the two. The result is an affectionate trek into Feiler's past as well as an emotionally rich assessment of the present and a fearless conjecture about the future. A book like this could easily become maudlin (as I felt Jim Moret's The Last Day of My Life did). While the book is highly emotional, tear-stained on every page, Feiler avoids veering into Oprah territory. He touches down lightly into the emotion and then takes off again for new ground, reporting on the progress of his cancer treatment, examining his family's history and the evocative backgrounds of his life story (Savannah in particular) and throwing in a little humor for good measure. (When his twins are born on the IRS deadline of April 15th, his doctor muses, "Early Feiler and Late Feiler.") I imagine after reading this book, many readers will be mentally compiling their own council of dads or moms. I know I am. But I sincerely pray that Feiler's daughters will not be the only ones to benefit from the presence of his Council. May Feiler himself walk among them for many, many years to come.

I wanted to be a better father after finishing this heart-warming book. Upon learning he was ill with a rare, life-threating cancer, Bruce Feiler, father to twin daughters Tybee and Eden, is faced with how he can show his love to his girls if he ceases to be a physical presence in their lives. His idea was to appoint a Council of Dads, a group of six men from different areas and stages of his life to be his voice and fatherly representative at special times during his daughters' lives. This book is broken up between introducing these men to the reader and recounting periods of the year he spends with his doctors fighting the disease. Personally, as the father of two young girls, the notion of a 'Council of Dads' intrigues me; I just pray I am never in a situation where it may become a reality. Fortunately for Bruce and his family, he successfully triumphed over his cancer and can continue his life as a father. Beautifully written and touching, this is a great book.