The Complete Eldercare Planner: Where to Start, Which Questions to Ask, and How to Find Help

7-22-05 -- Recently I found myself along with 3 other siblings and spouses thrust into new uncharted waters in a totally new season of our lives. Suddenly and without any training we were and continue to this day having to take care of my aging parents. I for one will freely admit that as a child I was never trained, prepared, nor exceptionally gifted to undertake such a task. It is just not the type of thing that you can ever really get to a line and say ready...set...go...and do it very well. Elderly health care in 2005 does not always afford us the luxury of any long preparation either emotionally or financially. Suddenly unmercifully and usually without warning you hear over the phone in the midst of a busy American routine those words you dread. It's Cancer, a stroke, or replacement surgery, just minor or major operations which means weeks of homecare and hospitalization's, etc., You are suddenly no longer swinging a few bats warming up in the on deck circle there in safety at a bit of distance. But you find yourself thrust into the batters box. You are no longer the stand by just in case fill in player who dressed for the game just in case you would or might be needed. But suddenly with a phone call, you find yourself thrust without any prior warning into the batters box. You are to take charge with 3 others voices and votes, your parents primary healthcare. Now, if you call a frantic call for "HELP" in the middle of the night when just the week before things were okay a warning, well then, you're doing better than we were. You find yourself suddenly up at the plate with bases loaded, two outs, bottom of the ninth your teams behind 3 runs. To top it off you're facing a 94mph fastball pitcher who also throws a mean slider called the reality of life. You have never been good at hitting these kinds of pitches. Much less being the homerun hitter the team needs at this moment and are all looking to you now for. Then you hear through your wife there is a book available on just such a thing. It allows you to calmly and logically check out all of your options. It tells you in simple language just how you go about walking through this difficult mine field you've been thrust into without training or any real prior warning. It tells you how to do this without losing your mind, your family unity, and most of all your parents dignity. I found myself literally reading the pages of Joy's, "Elder Care" wonderful "How TO" book on the plane going headed to Florida. I was then going there for my Dad's 80th B-day party as well as a visit to help out for 10 days at my elderly parents. Little did I know then, that I would see those 10 days turn suddenly into 46 long and hectic days I ended up spending there. Little did I realize as I paged through this how to book on Elderly Care that it would be like a daily Bible to me. I was literally reading a chapter ahead of the events as they unfolded in the next days. It was giving me the answers to question I had

This is a book based on the principles of good planning and that it is better to be proactive than reactive. "When I plan, I have choices," the author states. And she gives the reader voluminous choices. This is a book filled with forms and action steps, low-cost and free resources and explanatory narrative. It will get you to where you need to be to be an effective care planner and caregiver. Topics include where to start, how to tell when your elder needs help, emergency preparedness, financial and legal matters, housing, long-distance caregiving, transportation, medical concerns, death and dying, and resources. This is a highly accessible and well thought-out workbook. For example, the author has taken the highly complex issue of "Money Matters" and divided it into workable plans. The first deals with the business side of cargiving and lists the things you need to calculate expenses; part two helps you to figure out if you can afford elder care; and the third describes who pays for what. The fourth plan is asking for help with time and money, listing the kinds of resources you might need help with (home maintenance, cooking, exercise, heavy lifting). The chapter then goes on to plans for helping your loved one plan for financial fitness, with workbook forms for determining his or her current financial state (medical costs, income, expenses, insurance policies, travel costs, and financial advisors). With this material laid out so clearly, the tasks of caregiving do not feel so foreboding. This book takes the fear out of the unknown and makes caregiving manageable from the start. The "Documents Locator" at the end -- the whole list of legal, personal, medical documents you might need -- is worth the price of admission alone.

Mom was very difficult and defensive. She thought we were telling her what to do and she didn't understand that the rest of us are trying to help her. Anyway, the Communication chapter in this book is extremely helpful and easy to try Joy's advice. When we learned how to talk to Mom differently, she started doing things that were best for the whole family. Joy's tips worked. What's also good about this book is we didn't have to wonder if we were leaving anything out - everything, every problem and solution is described, and things we can do. I liked the worksheets since I am not a very organized person. I highly recommend that you get this book and if you have brothers and sisters, get them a copy, too and you can all work together helping your parents. It save us so much time and money. We handled a lot of problems over the phone. Thank you, Joy.

I was at work when I got the call from the hospital that Mom had a stroke and was taken there unexpectedly. Needless to say I was totally unprepared for this to happen. I picked up a copy of The Complete Eldercare Planner in the hospital gift shop. EVERYTHING I needed to know and do for Mom and for myself was in this book... questions to ask the doctor and discharge planner, finding affordable care for Mom at home, legal documents so I could make decisions for Mom. I found the documents chapter of the book and the checklists very very helpful. I was in a lot of stress at the time and I just followed the plans. I always felt like I was in good hands. And I was. Another great thing about this book is the way the author gives tips on talking about sensitive subjects. I followed Joy's advice on how to open up the conversation because we needed to talk to Mom about maybe moving into an assisted-living home and the talking tips worked! I highly recommend this book -- it's fast and to the point which is great if you are busy and also hold down a job and also have your own family to think about. I was able to put an eldercare budget together based on Joy's ideas. This book gives you every single thing you need to think about if you're planning or in the middle of an emergency. I could go on and on. Just don't leave home without it.

In taking care of my mother for over ten years, I know that caring for aging parents can be a rewarding, but also a daunting, responsibility. Joy Loverde's book is a great aid for bringing structure to these tasks. It can help to keep the responsibilities manageable, even as they increase. It is a practical book - helpful and well organized - so you can find what you need to know now. It is also an action planner, so you can take a systematic approach to meeting the growing needs of elderly loved ones. Furthermore, it has a number of helpful worksheets, checklists and "document locator" pages. As you fill in these pages, you develop a reference of vital family information in a single location. There will be no last minute scramble for critical phone numbers for doctors, lawyer and insurance representatives or trying to find the location of important family documents. Helpful clues to look for as signs that your elders may need your assistance are given, including what changes to look for in health, attitude, cognitive function and hygiene. Tips on making a home safe for the elderly are addressed. How to make family communications run smoothly and the importance of keeping everyone informed are discussed and structured. Worksheets for information, tasks and progress are included. Chapters are concise and well indexed. A special chapter on emergency preparedness insures that a sudden health development will not catch you totally off guard. Even if you do wait until something happens, just having the checklists to review at the last minute can be a big help. The issues of transportation are reviewed with insight. Bringing up this delicate topic to older drivers may make them feel especially defensive about declining driving safety. Alternative transportation resources are reviewed. This book also provides a brief map through the maze of housing, financial, legal and insurance alternatives, and related professional advisory services and/or organizations for supplemental assistance. Tactful and constructive guidelines for dealing with doctors and medical groups are detailed. Health and wellness are discussed as well as death and dying with specific outlines for understanding both the related arrangements and emotions. Overall, this is an upbeat, positive book with an emphasis on improving the quality of life for all concerned. You can use it as a step by step handbook or just lookup and use what you want. It is packed with helpful information and resources. I only which I had had it ten years ago. The Complete Eldercare Planner could have saved me many trips to the library while caring for my mother. This book is organized, even if you aren't. Just having these checklists on the bookshelf may add to one's peace of mind. Highly recommended.