The Birth of Pleasure: A New Map of Love

This is an important book to read for those searching out a deeper understanding of themselves and the role society has played in the development of self-denial.According to the author, there comes a stage in a child's development (for boys when they are 5 and girls when they are 13 - later for girls cause the patriarchy has no need for women untill they are of birthing age) when they are forced to forget what they know in order to be in relationships. The patriarchy sets up a hierarchy that separates the "father" from children and women - creating a split in relationships but also in ourselves (we lose touch with the internal "father," or at least those characteristics in ourselves that have been deemed "masculine"). When you are a child you do not question your perception of the world or your emotional reactions to it. You instinctively know how to interpret and react to how other people are feeling. But once you reach a certain age, you have to unlearn these things, deny your knowledge in order to fit into the mold the patriarchy has devised as acceptable. In order to be in relationships (within the patriarchy) you have to shut away part of yourself, which raises the question, if you aren't allowed to be yourself within the patriarchy, how real are the relationships you are sacrificing yourself for? And that is the problem - deep down we are all yearning for real connections which we can't have, because none of us are truly being ourselves. And those parts of ourselves we had to deny because the patriarchy deemed them "wrong" (very often our sexuality and creativity) get repressed - we start to see those parts of ourselves as dirty and bad and hate them - hate ourselves. The book says that we need to reclaim these lost gems from our childhood in order to truly know ourselves - and some of what has been repressed might be hard to look at, might be unappealing, but the good stuff far outweighs the bad. The goal should be wholeness (good and bad) not perfection.*For those that are tired of reading books that rail against the big bad "patriarchy," you will find this book's approach refreshing, as it does not focus on judging men or society, but rather looking at it from a different point of view.

Carol Gilligan has transformed our thinking of how adolescents experience their growing up in the modern world. With her new beautifully written and truly brilliant book, she shows the reasons why men start to think about leaving when they truly fall in love, and why it is so hard for everyone to know truly, viscerally, deeply what they know (but what might be painful for self or others to acknowledge fully). Ranging from empirical data, ancient myths, literature, her own life experiences growing up (movingly told with unflinching honesty), and her observations as a therapist, Gilligan eloquently sketches the reasons why the Western tradition has embraced the genre of tragedy to tell stories of love. This is a complex, challenging, and courageous book. It stands on par with the most daring work of such thinkers as Freud or Darwin, using the author's unusual intelligence to discern unacknowledged truths behind everyday realities. I could not put it down, and it resonates deeply in the most unexpected contexts. Buy this book; it is not only the birth of pleasure but also a pleasure to think with Gilligan.

Its difficult to summarize this amazing book--I just loved it. Everyone who has read this book has been so touched by it. I was not able to put it down. In this amazing book, Carol Gilligan tells the story of a young woman named Psyche who breaks taboos on seeing and speaking about love. In doing this, she frees herself and Eros or Cupid, her lover, from a tragic love story. The revolutionary implications of Gilligan's work have never been clearer and this book is bound to be attacked. This is one of those rare books that will change the way you see the world.Her telling of the Psyche and Cupid myth is brilliant and original. Once again,Gilligan is right on the edge, where artists always are. Everyone will be able to relate to many parts of this book. This is a must read book.

One of the most incredibly enlightening books I have ever read. A book about pleasure and love. A book that everybody can relate to. It fuses science and poetry and makes a unique contribution to our understanding of love and pleasure. It is so beautifully written. It transforns our understanding of the modern/historic civilization as they have liberated or limited our potential for intimate and pleasurable relationships. I will read this book over and over.