The Aware Baby

I just finished reading this book and think it is extrordinary. This book is built on the premise that babies need to cry--in parents' arms with tender, loving support--in order to release stress. When adults intervene to stop the crying (if there is no immediate cause like hunger, pain, dirty diaper, etc) they can inadvertently prevent the baby from healing from stresses and hurts. She included a story on crying it out/sleep training with her son that was really heartbreaking; her discussion of co-sleeping is powerful and very supportive. Some of her ideas are controversial; she opposes comfort nursing to stop crying, for example. However, her approach is very loving, respectful, and supportive of the baby. I've been implementing some of her suggestions and am so wonderfully surprised to see my 12-month old daughter happier and more relaxed than I have ever known her. Her section on discipline is really illuminating. She believes that it is impossible for a baby to "misbehave." By extension, there is no reason to punish or threaten a baby for his/her actions. She also has an interesting discourse on the problem with praise. Solter promotes "democratic discipline" as opposed to authoritarian or permissive parenting. Democratic discipline involves meeting problem behaviors with a response that honors the needs of all involved. She includes several real-world examples to illustrate this method. She also encourages natural consequences wherever possible and includes an interesting discussion about why they are so much more useful than parent-created ones.

When I first discovered and read The Aware Baby, my second child was 6 months old and my first child already 3 years old. The book answered nearly every question I had agonised over during my first few years as a mother. It is full of well-researched and honest information about babies and their legitimate needs. After reading The Aware Baby and Dr Solter's other two books (Tears and Tantrums and Helping Young Children Flourish), I remember walking down the road with my two children feeling absolutely liberated. For the first time since having children, I was not anxious or frustrated or worried about whether I was `doing the right things' at every juncture. I wished I had heard of Dr Solter's work before; that someone had recommended these three books to me earlier, because in my opinion every parent or parent-to-be would benefit from reading her work. I felt that every mother (and father) in every maternity ward ought to be given a copy of The Aware Baby to read!! It is such an important book, and one which is full of support for parents. In a world where babies and infants are so often misunderstood, and consequently so often suffer (even with the best intentions in the world), it offers clear and intuitively sound advice in an otherwise confusing sea of information. Put simply, this book tells the reader about babies' emotional world and needs, and how to care for and meet those needs, and thus how to care fully for your child. It is easy to read, easy to understand, practical, and will remain useful as a reference point throughout your baby's development. The book has a clear, easy-to-follow structure and good referencing, which builds on sound academic studies. I have found no other book that covers the issues of babyhood and parenthood so simply, directly and informatively. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

When my child was a baby he cried a lot, and this made me desperate. Of course, I nursed him, held him, talked to him, changed his diaper, rocked him, bounced him, wore him in a sling, etc. Sometimes these actions would "help" (he would stop crying), and sometimes he just kept on fussing or crying. At those times I felt like a terrible mom. Why is my child so sad, I would wonder. Thank goodness for Dr. Aletha Solter! With her approach (based on copious research), I came to see that crying can be a release mechanism. Parents misguidedly think that the crying itself is the problem. For example, if a child falls down, he is crying because of the hurt (or surprise) of the fall. Getting him to stop crying is not stopping the pain! Dr. Solter's work taught me how to be with my crying child in a respectful, loving, gentle way. This book is NOT about leaving your child to cry!!! It is not a "cry it out" approach. It is about sensitively filling your child's needs and being present with her in her hour of need. I strongly recommend it.

This book has been a godsend for me. It came to me at a very difficult time in my daughter's first years, and it allowed me to see that, really, sometimes she just needs to cry. It gave me the courage to allow her to cry without trying to stifle the emotions she was expressing. Now, I buy it for anyone I know who is embarking on parenthood

Aletha Solter has broken new ground in understanding of infant needs. This book is ideal for parents with a child from 0 to 24 months of age, and contains information of value to all of us no matter how old we are