The Art of War for Lovers

I have read this book over and over. I agree with other reviewers that the first half is better than the second half. However, that first half is really worth the read. As I write this, the book is out of stock so try and find a used copy. Do not be put off by the title that deals with war. As Dr Cowan states in the book, if you were doing anything else, say at work, you would be careful to research your subject and know as much about it as possible. Do not approach love half blind, knowing only your own side of how things work. Dr Cowan gives many valuable insights that you need to know if you are a woman trying to find a man, or trying to attract that one elusive man that you can't quite seem to win over. I have read many books on this subject, and there are many useful texts and perspectives, but this one really makes you realize some things about yourself, about men and about the male/female relationship. In particular he talks about women needing the security of a relationship to feel safe having sex, and men needing sex, to feel safe enough to enter a relationship. At one point you find yourself thinking it is amazing that any relationship ever gets off the ground when you realize the different ways men and women approach the whole thing. But you read on, and you read it over, and somehow it all starts to fall into place. This book gave me the knowledge and the courage to persevere with the one man who I was truly interested in and some tools to put to use in pursuit of him and I am so grateful that I did not give up. This book has really helped me.

I like this book. I agree with the others who say that the first part is worth the price of the book and the contribution by Gail Parent could have been left out.I am using this book to reinforce what I do well and raise my skills in other areas. I have used the little exercises (fill in the blanks, etc.) to learn more about myself. I have used the affirmations when I felt down and I am starting to see that they work! I used to worry that I would not meet someone with whom I could have a "healthy" relationship. Lately, I worry less about that and I expend more energy in becoming healthier myself. What that boils down to is accepting the truths; some painful but some reassuring. For example, feeling needy. I never really wanted to admit that I felt needy at times, but now I realize what an advantage I have if I can simply observe it and decide how to handle myself. I have read the book through my tears once or twice. I have actually chosen to "be my own best friend" when that was the right thing to do. I'm feeling pretty optimistic these days. My current relationship is going well and if it folds, I'll be that much better for the next one. This book covers every area of relationships and I find it to be a solid handbook (owner's manual, if you will) for all this relationship stuff.

This is a book I always seem to go back to again and again. It really has helped me focus on my strengths and keeping my independence in my relationships. I recommend it for any woman, whether single or in a relationship.

Geared more towards women than men (I suppose because few men read these kinds of books!), this book uses a somewhat forced but interesting parallel with an ancient text on war with modern day romance. Lots of good advice, although some of it is common sense and a rehash of what we already know. Still, the reminders are good and some of the advice is priceless. My favorite tidbit: men realize they are falling in love with you BY pursuring you so don't let yourself be caught too quickly--they won't get it. Yes, the play-hard-to-get theme once again, but with a few refreshing twists and more context that shows why and how it all works to everyone's benefit. Another gem: men care more about love and relationships than they like to reveal, as much as women do, actually. Well-written and intriguing.

Coming from a male who has been extremely fortunate to have been very successful with women (happily married now!) -- I say that the advice the author gives on how to "close the deal" is 100% accurate. This is really a one-sided book however: it is written for women. The insightful direction given is for women on how to deal with men in all stages of a loving relationship. While I feel I can go on and on, let me simply suggest that every woman who is even slightly confused by male behavior with respects to love and committment to buy and read this book very carefully.