The Art of Coarse Golf

I only ever played one round of golf, persuaded to join a day out for the whole office. My equally incompetent opponent and I had a competitive match until he stopped counting his score so I won the match with a score of 270 although I might have won even if he'd kept his core till the end. My reward for this dubious victory was to be presented with the first edition of this book when I eventually left the company. It's not difficult to see why this book was chosen for me. The author takes an amusing look at all the things that can and do go wrong on a golf course. The opening chapter describes an episode in which a wayward drive sends a ball on to the nearby road and into the window of a passing lorry, leading to a very amusing sequence of events. There is a particularly funny, albeit politically incorrect, episode about two women golfers. The basis of this chapter is that bad golfers spend a lot of time in the rough but that while men just want to get their ball back into play, women can actually enjoy this aspect of the game as it gives them the chance to study the local wildlife. Sometimes a wayward drive takes them into a wood full of primroses or bluebells. At other holes, they have a chance to study nesting birds. The author asserts that men interpret the rules (such as moving unplayable balls) to suit themselves. Of course, these players are never going to be good enough to play in an event with an official to enforce the rules correctly. There are many other amusing events in this book covering water hazards, course etiquette (or lack thereof), golf handicap ratings and equipment. Some bad golf strokes are given names - the knurdle, the jobble and the rigor mortis among them. While this is a fairly short book, it is hilarious from start to finish if you know anything about golf played by normal people - a world away from the professional stuff.