Art of Being a Good Friend

This is not a primer on how to develop friendships in several easy steps. It is a book that genuinely speaks of the quality, intention, and benefit of friendship deeply rooted, and established in the love of God in Christ, who is the author and perfector of the divine friendship between God and man. Our earthly friendships point us to God, and our friendship with God teaches us how to love those we call our friends. Truly, in this context we can bring out the best in our friends and ourselves. An excellent read and I recommend highly it without reservation.

This is a thoughtful and elegantly-written work. It is inspired by scripture as a source of wisdom, but non-believers may find much of interest too. The tone is temperate and heartful, and seems wise. I felt respected as a reader.

Black revels in the spiritual nature of true friendship while, at the same time, cautiously warning his readers that only friendship with God will ultimately satisfy their desires for true intimacy and tender affection. Friendship is a sweet gift from God for our good. It is "an occasion for growing in grace, for learning love, for training the heart to patience and faith, and for knowing the joy of humble service" (p. 29). God uses our friendships to help us evaluate our own profession. Black also proves that friendships can ennoble us and lift us higher than we would be if left to ourselves. Not only do they call us to loyalty and commitment to one another, they also are a help against temptation, providing positive peer pressure to keep us from the embarrassment and humiliation that comes from letting our friends down through our own personal sin. But this all comes at a price and with a risk. However, the alternative is even worse. Black is realistic in his assessment of how friendships are made and kept. He admits that friendships can't be forced. He also readily concludes that almost all friendships are unbalanced--usually one partner gives more than the other. But this should not keep us from forming friendships, because the real joy of friendship is in giving, not getting. Black continually emphasizes that relationships demand much care, nurture, time, and attention. He notes that the reason that many of us have few friendships is that we are not willing to put in the time or effort. " We would like to get the good of our friends without burdening ourselves with any responsibility about keeping them friends" (p. 22). In order to prevent our friendships from dying due to neglect, we must pay attention to small details and learn to love our friend in big and little things alike--since life consists primarily of little things! Throughout the book, Black emphasizes certain qualities that sustain a friendship. For example, friends should be honest and not flatterers. However, their candidness should always spring from a sympathetic and understanding heart. Friends must also be patient and forbearing with one another. No one can hurt us more than our friends. Ultimately, human friendship is limited. No matter how much we long to give ourselves to others, there always remains an aspect of ourselves that we cannot give away, if for no other reason, because we do not understand ourselves well enough to do so in the first place. As much as we fill our lives with others, we ultimately remain a distinct and separate life. Ultimately, all human companionship is fragmentary and partial. Human friendship is meant to lead to friendship with God. Human friendship is a valuable and sweet gift and is able to ennoble and elevate the soul, but ultimately, it is a reminder that only God can truly fill the human heart. This is a great God-centered book on friendship--its ups, downs, limitations, and joys.