Teacher Effectiveness Training: The Program Proven to Help Teachers Bring Out the Best in Students of All Ages

I used this book for a project on Thomas Gordon, but I'm also reading this book for myself and I think it's really helpful if you struggle with managing student behavior.

Author Gordon sees traditional discipline as one that is based on power: the ability to reward or punish. Power is resented, and often seen as something to challenge. He wants to see the teacher-student relationship developed to the point that the students obey naturally. Gordon sees children's misbehavior as a conflict of needs. For instance, the teacher needs order and the child needs attention. This can be resolved, for example, by giving the child jobs in the classroom that will provide him/her attention. What the teacher communicates is also very important. Consider some forms: There are the Preventative I-messages, for example "I'd appreciate it if you would put your names on your papers right away, so that you won't later forget, and I won't need to lose time trying to figure out who the paper belongs to." Minor misbehavior can be handled by Confrontive I-messages, such as: "It annoys me when you continue talking while I am talking, because it makes it difficult for me to teach." There are the Positive I-messages, such as "I thank you for cleaning up so quickly after our experiment. You made it easier for me to prepare for the next class."

Simple in theory, but a significant paradigm shift for many educators. Excellent suggestions and common sense applications.

The typical program for "classroom management" focuses either on discipline (how to be assertive and fair) or procedures (how to plan ahead to avoid problems). These are both useful tools, but there is a subtext these discussions: the ideal classroom is free of conflict, and if there is conflict, it is either the fault of the teacher or the student. But, as any real teacher will tell you, a classroom free of conflict is a fantasy. Students and teachers can't help but bring their clashing values, hopes, fears, struggles at home and with their friends and innumerable other issues into the classroom. And these issues are bound to cause conflict. Teachers are typically presented with two options: be strict, or be permissive; either the teacher uses his/her power to quell the students regardless of their needs, or students use their power to get what they want, regardless of how the teacher and the class suffer, and the teacher lets it slide hoping to get back to teaching. There has to be a better way! In T.E.T., Thomas Gordon applies the highly successful and popular method developed for families in P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness Training) to the classroom. Very schematically, T.E.T. involves 3 steps. First, identify who is really having the problem. If a students are talking too loudly for the teacher to be heard, the teacher is having a problem and needs to communicate that to the students as a first step. If a student is daydreaming instead of working, the student is having a problem and the teacher needs to be able to listen dispassionately to find out what is wrong. Second, use "I Messages" and "Active Listening" to get to the heart of the problem (both these techniques are described in detail). Third, if a solution doesn't present itself immediately, T.E.T. describes a conflict resolution method that can help both teacher and student get their needs met without using power plays. Gordon suggests (I think rightly) that it is the use of power to solve problems that engenders the defensiveness and resentment so common to student-teacher relationships. T.E.T. won't solve everything. Good procedures are still needed to reduce the number of situations that lead to conflict. And power based discipline is still needed in extreme cases (e.g. weapons in the classroom). But, by using the methods described in T.E.T., teachers can establish more honest and respectful relationships with their students and reduce the time wasted on power plays and petty games, leaving more time for real teaching. Three final notes. Teachers may run into kids who have had such bad relationships with the adults in their lives that they can't help seeing teachers as enemies, to pushed and attacked whenever possible. T.E.T. may not work right away with these kids, making classic discipline neccesary. People who don't like T.E.T. on the first read usually see it as simply another version of anything-goes permissiveness. But Gordon tries to make clear that a

As an eighth year home schooler, I am pleased to say that this book is the single most helpful book I've *ever* read on how to relate to children. I just finished it a couple days ago and immediately started employing the strategies. I've seen a change in my children already. My 12 year old daughter even held my hand today as we walked around the county fair--something she hasn't done for a long time. I don't think it's any coincidence that she feels safer and more secure around me now that I'm actually listening to her and trusting her.If you are familiar with and like the concept of empathic listening (called active listening in the book), you will be pleased to see that this book gives very specific instructions for not only *how* to do it, but *when*. Since it's a skill not required for every situation, knowing when to use it is just as important as knowing how.As detailed in the book, this method will only work if you are willing to abandon using power and authority in your relationships. The book clearly states that the use of power and authority damages relationships: I can verify this from my own experience. This method assumes children already know the right choices, in many instances, but that they need help to uncover them; it assumes that trusted kids will act in a trustworthy manner, and that untrusted kids will act in an untrustworthy manner.Warning: this method is not a quick fix. I have been extensively trained in empathic listening, so this skill is not new to me. If it is new to you, you will need to reprogram yourself to do it right, because it is difficult to unlearn old and harmful habits, and we are *so* tempted to resort to power and authority that it takes time to see their destructiveness and give them up. Be patient with yourself and I'm certain you will be pleased with the results of your efforts.