Taming the Spirited Child

This book is my favorite parenting book. It is full of tricks and techniques, but the beauty of the book is really the overall approach to parenting. It is very valuable with ANY child, not just the most spirited ones. You really have to read the book through before you have a full picture of what your stance towards your kids should be. I have read many different parenting books, some of which I found very helpful. In particular, I enjoyed Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's books, including Kids, Parents and Power Struggles. It was very strong in learning how to respect your child's needs, listening to the emotions underlying their misbehaviors, and trying to work with them. It fell short in showing you how to teach the child limits despite their emotions. When I was following her approach, I got much better at preventing tantrums and meltdowns. However, when we did have tantrums, I would try out all her suggestions and when they still did not work I would feel so powerless that I would just lose it, drop all her loving techniques and try to force them into submission. Dr Popkin leads you through how to build a fair, firm and friendly relationship, a perfect balance between permissiveness and authoritarianism, how to give them freedom WITHIN LIMITS so that you can be loving without getting stuck feeling powerless. In fact, he has a whole chapter on "the dynamics of power" to help you realize that when you lose it, they've won -- so it's pretty worthwhile to control yourself! He builds on Ms Kurcinka's approach (cites her in the bibliography) but "fills in the cracks" which I had from following her approach. I would still recommend Ms Kurcinka's book if you need elaboration on how to understand your child's perspective and how to understand what makes you tick as the parent. However, if you're only going to read one parenting book, I would say to stick to this one.

I'm not finished with this book yet, but I'm starting to understand why my child behaves in certain ways, and understanding is a gateway to improving (at least that's what I hope). For any other parents out there with beautiful children who seem to have more energy and enthusiasm than the world can hold, I definitely recommend this book. My 4-year-old daughter is sweet, smart, beautiful, charming, resourceful, imaginative, playful, fun, and affectionate. She's also relentless when it comes to getting what she wants. The tantrums can be spectacular in ferocity and duration. Other kids "cry it out" after a short time, but she will persist for hours. Dr. Popkin explains this behavior in loving terms that help me realize there is nothing "wrong" with my daughter, nor is there anything wrong with us as the parents who are raising her.

In my search for books about handling hard-to-handle kids, this one stands out for a couple of reasons. (1)The author seems to really "get" the spirited child mentality and how, if it is pointed in the right direction, this spirit can be the foundation of an exceptional person. "Spirited" is more than just a euphemism for "naughty"; it gets at the idea that these kids are more full of life than most, a fact that can be turned to their benefit. Also, the author makes sense of the spirited mentality in the context of modern democratic society. It really clicked for me. (2)The book is written and structured in a very approachable way. The author uses metaphors to bring the more abstract concepts down to earth and acronyms to make them stick in memory (especially helpful when in mid-conflict). Also should mention that the author's sense of humor made this an unexpectedly entertaining read, which was a nice bonus.

Just when you think you have no options left and are about to lose your mind, this book comes in with hope and skills to work effectively with your spirited child. Not only is the author a professional in the field, he is also the father of a spirited child. The only downside I would give the book are that there are so many points and guidelines that you almost have to have the book in hand while you are having an interaction with your child. I went through it with a highlighter the first time and I would definitely recommend reading it more than once, along with the other parent in the house. Great strategies that really work.

As the parent of a "spirited" child, this book has been invaluable. How to channel the creativity and spirit of a spirited child is so difficult and this book offers the solutions I was looking for. As I read the characteristics of a spirited child I felt like Dr. Popkin knew my son personally. The personal anecdotes and stories added humor and comfort in knowing the author had personal experience in raising such a child. Great book for any parent who wants to help their child strive, without breaking their spirit.