Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies

When I first read this book my own brother and only sibling had been dead for many years. During the course of those years I had read every grief book I could find, yet not one spoke directly to me or my situation like Dr. Wray's book. As I read her book I was amazed at how her feelings following the death of her brother so paralleled my own feelings following the death of my brother. Losing a sibling is one of life's greatest, and often, unrecognized losses. Although nothing can take away the sadness and the sense of unfairness that we feel when our brother or sister dies, Dr. Wray's words help us to understand that we are not alone in our sorrow. Comfort comes from the knowledge that others share our pain, and as the book conveys, we, as surviving siblings are forever connected. Dr. Wray truly captures the essence of sibling loss and provides a framework for the stages of grief that a bereaved person typically goes through after the death of a loved one. I was captivated by the experiences of other surviving siblings whose stories are so beautifully woven by Dr. Wray throughout the book. Each chapter ends with a "What Helps" section containing many straightforward and practical suggestions for coping with grief. There is an excellent resource list at the end of the book. In addition to recommending the book to other bereaved siblings, I have also recommended it to anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one. This book will be a treasure to all those who are suffering through grief!

This is a must read for everyone! Although I have not lost a sibling, I happened upon this book after my cousin died. Through her own story, Dr. Wray helped me to understand what her sisters were going through and how I could help support them in their own personal loss. I keep a few copies at hand to give to friends and acquaintances that have lost siblings. Time after time, I am thanked for having recognized and validated their pain. And time after time the response I receive from those who have read the book is "FINALLY someone understands what I am experiencing." Dr. Wray's book has not only helped me to become a more empathetic person, it has given comfort and guidance to those suffering a tremendous loss.

I lost my 26-year-old little brother suddenly 2-21-05. Sick with saddness I was searching and searching for online help. I found this book through Wray's website. It is so helpful. I cry everyday, but now I know others weep too. It has eased me into my new life. Josh is not just a memory...he is my brother. My new life isn't filled with the joy he brought, but it is laced with the times we shared. If you have lost a brother or sister...you need this book...you really do.

T.J.Wray's book helped me in ways I couldn't begin to imagine. I had lost my brother in 1998, and felt I had no one to talk to who really understood what I was going through. I have a younger brother that I adore, but, he holds so much in, and always has, so I knew he wouldn't want to really have a deep discussion about our loss. I had one friend that I could talk to, but, she was going through her own battle with leukemia so I tried not to burden her anymore than possible. She was exceptionally kind, though, and I really don't know what I would have done without her. My father had already passed away, and my mother was dealing with the pain of her own loss. She was also ill at the time. I really felt quite alone. Reading T.J.'s book, though, gave me hope. Had it not been for her straight forward, honest, down to earth writing, I might still be finding myself down in that dark hole. After reading what she had been through herself with the loss of her own brother, and the advice that she shared with us, as readers, I did begin to find solace. Thank goodness someone came forward to write about this overlooked issue of sibling grief. I purchased the book for a friend of mine who lost her brother last year. I haven't heard from her, but, I'm hoping in my heart that she took the time to read this excellent work by T.J.Wray. God Bless people like T.J. who take the time to help others by sharing what they, themselves, have been through so we don't feel so alone.

This book is outstanding in two ways: the first is that it offers concrete, practical advice on surviving the loss of a loved one in such an organized way that I, in the wake of losing my oldest sister, have clung to it as one would to a diet or exercise manual. The author's writing style is warm and personal yet direct and concise. I felt as if I knew her, as if she were counseling me and comforting me personally. The steps she advises in surviving grief are applicable to any loss of a loved one.But the second stroke of genius in this book is that the author DOES specifically address the loss of an adult sibling. She labels this a "disenfranchised loss", one that is not recognized as a major loss by society and thus makes the griever feel confused or guilty by his or her inability to recover from the sibling's death. She adds the story of her own journey of grief over her brother's death to those of dozens of others who have lost siblings. I felt so comforted knowing that the pain I was in (and still am) is normal and should be recognized as something that will not pass quickly. I found myself saying, "That's just how I feel!" over and over. I am so glad that I bought this book, and I know that I will keep referring to it for a long time. I plan to buy a copy for three of my friends that have lost adult siblings, and I know that it is the greatest gift that I can give them.