Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching: A 5-Step Guide to Creative Complaining

Not being an optimist by nature or upbringing, my life is all about the positive power of negative thinking -- so I was happy when Dr. Held taught me to overcome being kvetching challenged. Right now, facing 2003, I rely on my 3 favorite books to keep me sane. The other 2 are 'The Positive Power of Negative Thinking' and 'How to be Happy, Dammit' -- all 3 help me to harness the positive energy of negativity. These 3 books make up my personal triple play for dealing constructively with anxiety, worry, irritation, and negative moods. So my new year's resolution is to make the most of who I am and how I deal with the world around me.

As a psychologist who practices psychotherapy, I am always looking for self-help books that really work. In my experience, "Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching" really works. I have loaned this book to all kinds of patients, from ones who are so afraid to express their emotional pain that they end up miserable and alone, to those who vent so indiscriminantly that they alienate others and also end up miserable and alone. The five steps--and the humorous stories that illustrate them--have helped both types of people, but I am particularly impressed by how much this book has helped the over-complainers learn to tone down their complaining, which has improved their relationships with others. I recommend this book both to those who suffer alone in their silence and to those who have relational problems because of their over-complaining.

What a relief to find a book that doesn't presume that I have to feel good all the time. It's easy to find self help books with the premise that you can feel good all the time. Those books have always frustrated me because I simply can't live up to those standards. Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching is a humorous but effective lesson about life... What a relief to learn that it is okay to acknowledge to yourself and others that life isn't always grand and to learn how to express this without driving others away.

This wonderful little book is great for two groups of people: those who don't express or vent their pain when they need to, and those who complain too much and drive me nuts. Dr. Held gives the first group (the noncomplainers) permission and support to complain or vent to release their pain. She also gives rules for how to complain without driving people away. These rules are particularly helpful to the second group (the people who complain too much). The humor helps both groups relax and take in the unusual but serious and very helpful message. I'm giving this book to friends in both groups.

Barbara Held pops the "have a nice day" balloon with funny, clear prose that is easy to read and which would be considered common sense in any society except the one most of us live in. As a white Anglo-Saxon protestant this book really helped me break out of my "kvetching-challenged" life style. It's a great read. Five Stars.