Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today's Blended Family

I am a clinical social worker in private therapy practice. I purchased this book three years ago to help a family with whom I was working in therapy. Since then, I have quoted the highlighted passages from my own copy numerous times in sessions, and have loaned the book out so many times that a client finally bought me a newer copy, as a gift for helping her family so much. The best thing about this book is how it highlights the couple relationship. Blended family couples finally have support in creating the foundation for success. Many texts about blending families and helping children deal with divorce focus on how the "children should come first", to the exclusion of what is necessary to keep the adults healthy. Children's needs are certainly paramount, but often that belief feeds a system wherein parents are almost forced to create a triangulated situation between their biological children and their new spouse. This book clearly explains how to avoid that triangulation, and to keep the power where it belongs: with the two adults in the home, as a team. As a structural family therapist, this book helps me to show parents what we mean when we talk about the "executive power system" in the family. In order to have healthy blended families, it is absolutely essential to have a strong parent couple in each family. This book helps the reader with the myths and misconceptions of "step-families", which are really better termed "blended families". It gives good suggestions on how to deal with "the exes" -- the other parents of the children in your home. It addresses the "yours, mine and ours" issues that come up when blended families add more kids to the family. It also addresses special considerations that need to be made when one parent has died. The message of hope throughout this book makes it easy to read and truly finish, especially for parents in busy families. The personal stories from parents in blended families give the reader the sense that they are not alone, and that it will get better. I highly recommend this book, for every blended family parent, and every family therapist working with blended families.

In "Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today's Blended Family," Susan Wisdom and Jennifer Green focus on strengthening the bond between spouses after the newlywed reverie has worn off and they wake up after the honeymoon to find themselves in a stepfamily. They encourage newly-married couples to focus on their relationship and carve out couple time. They also urge couples to draw boundaries and find one-on-one time to spend with the kids. Real stepfamily situations are considered and discussed by the authors and provide practical advice to thorny situations. Unlike a lot of self-help books, the authors realize that one standard answer doesn't always work in every situation and they recommend a variety of options for some situations. Questions guide the reader to ponder his/her own situation but without forcing you to stop turning pages for too long.

I married a man quite a lot older than me -- he had children and I did not. I had no idea the sudden imapact having four stepchildren would have on me -- and my marriage! Reading Stepcoupling was the first step to saving my marriage and my sanity. Susan Wisdom clearly understands all the complicated dynamics of the stepfamily -- from an uncooporative ex-spouse to angry stepchildren. She offers useful discussion guides, questionaires, exercises, and tried-and-true strategies to help parnters cope with the new responsibilities and challenges. Knowing that if the stepcouple remains strong and presents a unified position, then all the other challenges can be resolved made all the difference. My husband read the book too and from that point on we began the process of building a strong family.

Although there are many outstanding books on stepparenting, this is the first book that focuses exclusively on stepcouples. With the use of excellent case examples, the authors present sound advice and strategies for dealing with the innumerable, difficult issues faced by these couples. While this is clearly a "remarriage manual", it is more useful than most because it integrates theory in a quite readable, understandable way. For example, family of origin theory is used to demonstrate how unresolved, early life issues can further complicate stepcoupling relationships. I strongly recommend this book to those who are contemplating or currently in stepcoupling relationships, as well as counselors and therapists who see these couples in their practice.

Here is the encouragement and advice many of us need to move forward in our lives along with the techniques and instructions to successfully deal with what faces us on a daily basis. There are so many factors that can complicate the life of a stepparent and 'Stepcoupling' addresses many of these problems head-on with real life stories and straightforward advice by ultimately proving that your marriage, as the foundation of your stepfamily, is the most important relationship you have. The book labels itself as a "manual" and if ever there was a stepfamily 'How-To', this is it! After you follow several couples' experiences throughout the book, you will find a great surprise in the last chapter that rounds out this book perfectly. The 'How-To' flows through 'Stepcoupling' not only through the authors' life experiences and stories from stepcouples, but also by letting you fill in the blanks with your own life by allowing you to share honesty about your feelings between the pages of the book and yourself.