Speaking Up

I was a graduate student in a biomedical research lab when I happened upon this book at a Kinko's copies one typically neurotic day. Believe me when I say that it was like a lifesaver to a drowning man. The book is written with corporate office jobs in mind, but it can be useful to just about any kind of power relationship. Basically it's like Tai-Kwan-Do for the workplace, giving you powerful practical methods for dealing with situations in which someone is abusing, or irresponsibly using, their authority. There are two key ingredients to this book: (1) a breakdown of bosses into different personality types, and (2) lists of words and phrases to use or avoid with each type. The idea is to narrow down your strategy by learning a bit about the psychology of your boss, what kinds of things probably motivate him or her, etc. This way you can look past the immediate sources of frustration and start to understand your boss "from within". Then, the next step is to use that knowledge to craft your interactions with your boss so that they work out better for you. I must repeat that this book is a brilliant little treatise, as useful and economical in its way as a Martial Arts training manual.

The format of Mark Ruskin's "Speaking Up" is designed to be very non-threatening to the casual reader. It's meant to be simple and easy to absorb. Each section starts out with some talk about a type of person or interaction and the sorts of problems that can arise. This is followed by a list of words to use, phrases to use, words to avoid, and phrases to avoid. I think this is very handy--words can come loaded with all sorts of emotional connotations, and it's true that some words and phrases can make things worse or better. By listing such things out Ruskin gives us a toolbox from which to construct our own solutions to problems. Next the entry provides a sample script for handling the situation along with a few words about how the scenario might proceed. This is followed by responses to anticipate and how you might reply to them. "Speaking Up" truly encourages you to work to solve problems. It would be easier to simply teach you to say the right things, but this book goes further than that. It encourages you to work hard to solve problems in a way that will make you and those around you happy, or at least satisfied. It explains things so you'll understand why people respond the way they do in certain situations. It makes things straightforward and easy. There are no in-depth psychological discussions, although you can tell this man truly knows what he's doing in that area. There are no treatises on interpersonal relations, although again, you can tell that Ruskin really does know his stuff. He also knows when to give a few simple instructions and let them speak for themselves. The book encourages wonderful approaches to teamwork, standing up for yourself, and so on. It teaches you not to take abuse lying down, but it also shows you that things such as criticism and owning up to your mistakes are important. Ruskin then goes on to explain how you can use even unmerited criticism as an opportunity for learning and developing a better relationship with others. I could go on for a while about this book, but hopefully I've already made my case. This is a truly useful book, and it encourages attitudes that could make any workplace or household easier--if not downright pleasant--to be in. It's one of those rare books that I find myself wanting to give to everyone around me to read.