Speaking the Truth in Love: How To Be an Assertive Christian

This is a wonderfully-written book for those of us who find it difficult to express our own needs. Placed in a Christian context, this book removes the guilt from not agreeing with people. Its premise is based on good, sound psychology: we all are valuable individuals, worthy of being treated with respect. Also, it reminds us that the responsibility is our own for helping others to understand what we want/need. Easy reading.

Ruth Koch is a counselor, social worker, and educator; Ken Haugk is a pastor and the founder of Stephen Ministries (an organization that exists to equip church members in basic counseling and listening skills in order to be of service during others' difficult times). "Speaking the Truth in Love" is one book in the training curriculum and focuses on how one can grow to be more assertive. Assertiveness can be defined as "moving toward one's self as you move toward another person." This is to be contrasted with Passiveness (in which a person decides not to reveal his true feelings and ends up experiencing guilt and frustration...thus working against himself) and Aggressiveness (in which a person attacks and thus works against another person). The authors explain why Assertiveness is the best of these three options, hold up Jesus as the ultimate example of Assertiveness, and give practical advice for becoming more Assertive. The authors liberally use anecdotes and examples to illustrate their points, making this book an easy read. However, although the information is laid out simply, the material itself is certainly not simplistic. Kock and Haugk know their subject matter well, they have a good understanding of Christian theology, and they are prove able to teach the material in an understandable and engaging way. Although this book is intended for Christians going through Stephen Ministry training, you don't need to be either a Stephen Minister or a Christian to benefit from "Speaking the Truth in Love." I, personally, am not going through the Stephen Ministry program and found the book highly beneficial; Jesus is treated more as a historical figure to emulate rather than True God and True Man. It should also be mentioned that, while other similar books tend to assume the reader is Passive, this book strikes a balance between addressing a Passive reader and an Aggressive reader. In all, "Speaking the Truth" is highly recommended. It serves as a good introduction to interpersonal communication, conflict resolution, leadership, and self-differentiation.

Before reading this book, I suffered from a sort of horror of non-fiction. However, Speaking The Truth in Love is non-threatening, practical, and attainable. The principles shared are deep, loving, and in no way narrow. Given a fair chance, they can be life changing. Encouragement to true assertiveness that respects others as well as yourself is gently but firmly emphasized. The Christian community especially would do well to assimilate its principles into classes, small groups, and requested reading for all potential church leaders. This is a powerful book that deserves a much wider audience than it has yet reached. It is worth every penny I spent and more!

I never really knew I could be assertive. Thanks to this book, I am now lovingly assertive. This book focuses on teaching you to be Christ-like in your assertiveness. It's a must read for anyone who wants to be more Christ-like!!