Slaying the Mermaid: Women and the Culture of Sacrifice

I assigned Slaying the Mermaid to my college seminar on mermaids and feminism. At first the students were not happy -- "Why must Ariel die?" they wondered. But the view that women need mutual rather than self-sacrificing relationships to be healthy, became convincing to them. Reading the original fairy tale and watching the (altered) Disney movie provided an informative context for appreciating Stephanie Golden's interesting and helpful book. We also read the chapter about The Little Mermaid in the edited book "From Mouse to Mermaid" and I recommend that as well. The current "hot" movement in popular psychology -- 'Positive Psychology' -- is not sensitive to issues of gender and culture, so Golden's book is a worthy contribution.

A review from the author of DREAMING YOUR REAL SELF: A PERSONAL APPROACH TO DREAM INTERPRETATION; WHO'S CRAZY, ANYWAY?; and DREAM BACK YOUR LIFE.Stephanie Golden examines how women are expected to sacrifice themselves to be feminine and acceptable to others and in the process lose their sense of themselves as they fall into the victim trap. With interesting and moving stories of very different women, she distinguishes between mindless self-sacrifice that diminishes us and a conscious choice to offer our gifts and talents in a way that expands us all. Well-written and intriguing right down to the notes at the end. I recommend it highly.

I came across this book while looking for something else, and couldn't put it down. As a woman and a former Catholic, I got a double dose of the self-sacrificing ideal. Although I later rejected the notion of female subservience, I felt that the "masculine" ideal of individualism was equally unsatisfactory: in order to achieve self-realization, did one have to reject the positive aspects of self-sacrifice, such as compassion and concern for the good of the community (or humanity as a whole)?Golden's discussion is the first I've seen that looks at this very complex issue in depth, both intellectually and emotionally, and comes to a balanced conclusion. Rather than urging women to reject self-sacrifice outright, she carefully considers the origins of the ideal and its pluses and minuses, and helps readers to judge for themselves whether self-sacrifice in a particular situation will enrich or deplete their lives. She doesn't give easy answers, but coping with a disabled parent, or trying to assist a mentally ill person to get help, aren't easy problems. This is a truly outstanding book, and I recommend it highly.

I came across this book by accident, and only bought it because I'm writing about women and caregiving and thought this might be salient. Well, was it ever! Although she begins with true stories from various interviewees that are a bit tedious, Golden then takes off on an historical and philosophical survey that is utterly compelling. There are many familiar notions here, but I've never seen them so comprehensively and perceptively addressed. I'm recommending this to all my friends, because I want to talk about it!