Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed

Have you ever read a book that was so familiar, you wondered if the author had stolen your dairy? I felt that way when I read Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed. Debra Laaser's discovery of and recovery from her husband's sexual betrayal mirrors my own. Even though I did not read her book while I was going through the healing process, I know from experience that her advice works! I'm glad to say that she will guide you through your trauma just the way I would if you were my friend. My only reservation in handing you a book, is that a book can be devoured in one evening, while the process of healing from sexual betrayal takes a much longer time. When I had first discovered my husband's sexual betrayal, I begged my mentor for the band-aid of a helpful book. Wouldn't you know, she refused to offer any titles to me! She said that she'd much rather me take the time to pray; to pour my heart out before the Lord and listen for His guidance and love. In retrospect, I deeply appreciate her advice. Because I wasn't running to a book's big-picture advice, I was able to hear God's wisdom about each little step that I was to take day after day. Of course, in time, I sought the wisdom of a handful of books that made a big difference in our restoration. So, if you are ready for some book-advice, I do not hesitate to recommend "Shattered Vows" to you. Now, I will warn you: Laaser's life seems "bigger" than most of our lives. (She was the CEO of a national company and her husband was a successful pastoral counselor when his sexual betrayal graced the front page of the local newspaper. He then had the opportunity to attend a 3-week treatment center.) But, once you get beyond Mark and Debra Laaser's specific circumstances, Debra's wisdom is applicable for all of us, as she refers primarily to Scripture and the credible 12-step recovery program. If you are reeling from the discovery of your husband's sexual betrayal, take a deep breath, pray, and consider only tackling the first chapter, "What Am I Supposed to Do Now?: First Steps for the Brokenhearted". You'll be relieved to find the answers to questions that might be keeping you awake at night. You know, the big ones like, "Should I Leave or Stay?" "What Do I Tell the Kids?" and "How Can I Make Sure He Deals with His Problems?" Laaser explains the importance of creating boundaries and consequences, while deliberately not controlling the husband who needs to address his sin personally. This chapter addresses choices that you will want to make right away in order to give you and your husband a better foundation for possible restoration. Then, if I were you, I'd put the book down for a moment. Breathe again. Pray again. Follow through with Laaser's very wise first-chapter advice, one step at a time. Once you are ready, pick the book up again and tackle the next few chapters, which will help you to find support and to understand how the betrayal happened. Laaser offers

Thank-you Debbie for writing this, this has been a very healing book. I wouldn't have asked for adultery in my marriage. But what Satan plans for evil, God can turn out for good. My husband and I have learned so much more about each other through this. Now we can use the new ways we've learned to make better parents and spouses. It feels so good to let go of my control to God and actually feel my feelings other than stuffing them! There is hope, I pray you will feel it in your marriage too!

A very helpful book for women (or anyone) who has been sexually betrayed by a loved one. Debra shares her most intimate story of her own betrayal and the amazing road back to forgiveness and grace. Debra shares what she's learned about her relationship and herself through a time she describes as "crash and burn." She shares with us her own personal recovery and outlines helpful tools and information for anyone who has been hurt in relationships. Her insights can help you understand and deal with the situation you may find yourself. This book gives couples hope for the future, hope for their own relationship, and healing of wounds for the present hurt but also the past hurt we have experienced just living life. She and her husband, Mark, did not take the easy way out and get divorced. She chose marriage and commitment when so many others may have been encouraged them to leave the relationship. She talks about many things, but to mention a few: ~ do I stay or go? ~ how can I learn about myself when it's his fault? ~ is forgiveness possible and when do I forgive? ~ should I continue to be sexual with him? Recovery is certainly not painfree. However, her marriage is still in tact and lovingly restored for a bright future of togetherness. For that, I praise her courage and strength. Many of the ideas and strategies she's learned she has used to help hundreds of other women going through similar tragedies. Take advantage of her hope and healing and her tools to get through your own difficulties. I know I will definitely recommend this book to my clients in similar situations.

No one likes to talk about sexual betrayal. Let me rephrase that. No one likes to talk about sexual betrayal when it happens to him or her. Not long ago, Debra Laaser experienced a wife's worst nightmare. And today, she is ready to tell her story. And a well-told story it is, written with clarity and eloquence surprising for a first time solo-author. But this work is neither a biography, nor a collection of Deb Laaser's memoirs; it is a survivor's guide for the betrayed. The book has exercises throughout: A "thinking it over" section at the end of each chapter lists about 5 reflective questions. There are illustrations, charts, figures, and interactive forms. There are lists of useful web pages, descriptions of relevant support groups, and a depression self-assessment. For the reader seeking applicable knowledge, Debra answers a plethora of questions including: --How quickly should I forgive? --In whom should I confide? --What do I tell the kids? --Should I be sexual with my spouse? And she guides the reader on how to understand, feel, respond, grieve, trust, not trust, accept help, gain control, heal, forgive, and rebuild. 250 pages of information, organized in a very accessible way. Even with a short glance the reader can't help but take away something useful. Final Note: Online Counseling could be a good way to provide care to women who have experienced a betrayal. You can learn hot to provide telephone and online counseling with this guide: The Therapist's Clinical Guide to Online Counseling and Telephone Counseling: The Definitive Training Guide for Clinical Practice

I just read Shatterd Vows by Debra Laaser. WOW, finally a book that shared experiences like mine! This book is very thought provoking ~ centering in on change in self. I am now looking at my husband in a new way and I do not get my self worth through him anymore ~ I've been able to free him from such an unrealistic expectation. Thank you. Thanking God I'm free.