Sexual Suicide

This was a very interesting read for me as I am fascinated endlessly by the exploration of gender roles and its many iterations and changes. Many observations made here do seem acute, such as the fact that young men without proper male role models and guidance from them will have greater difficulty adjusting to civil society, seeking instead the companionship of other lost boys who perpetuate an immature attitude towards women, marriage, and adult responsibility. I believe this is a very germane topic to today's young men. However, I found some of the conclusions to be had in this book to be somewhat laughable. For instance, it seems to imply that allowing women to "infiltrate" the workplace (the MAN'S domain) will naturally make men feel threatened. The implication made is not that men should endeavor to see past biological gender and view women as equals in the workplace, but that women should stick with teaching or secretarial work... or better yet, get barefoot and back in the kitchen, leaving men their respite in the workplace as a Boys-Only Club. Nevermind the conclusion one could reach after reading about the natural way of men as providers and women as receivers. If women were to return to the "natural" way, they would always be subject to the men they marry. Yes, some husbands would do a fabulous job with this - but not all. I refuse to accept that this "natural" way is best when it practically FORCES one individual to rely on another for survival. The impression I got from some of the writing was even patronizing towards women to an extent, lauding woman's natural sensuality and her ability to bring forth and nurture new life - as if to say "You women are so amazing, so great, and men can be such savages and are so petty - just let the babies (men) have their bottle (world) and we'll all get along just fine." Certainly an interesting snapshot of the sexual revolution and its ramifications at the time and for the future, but certainly NOT the final word on "the way it should be" between women and men in society.

The Sexual Revolution is now complete - anything and everything is looked upon as normal and there are very few inhibitions, if any at all. Thirty-three years ago Gilder tried to show us why we were embarking on a suicidal mission, but we didn't receive his message very well, did we? His most essential premise is that men and women are different, not only sexually and physically, but emotionally and even intellectually. The second important point he makes is that women are not inferior to men, and in fact are superior in sexual matters for the simple reason that they are constructed physically and emotionally to handle the new lives that result from sexual unions, whereas men lack the rudimentary necessities for doing so. This idea contrasts sharply with the feminist assertions that men consider women inferior and treat them that way. Gilder doesn't have anything very favorable to say about the feminist movement, which he feels is, in large part, responsible for the present-day attitudes about sexual relationships between men and women. The author is an advocate of strong families, which has ALWAYS been the cornerstone of a strong society, and he reasons that the breakdown of heretofore normal sexual relationships is leading to the breakdown of families. Sure enough, 33 years later we can see just how badly the family structure is breaking down, and it is not hard to imagine the almost total demise of the family. Gilder makes so many good points in his analysis that it is hard to zero in on which are the most important, but one such point that needs and deserves comment is the one on gender roles. Our society has come to accept the idea that women can do anything that men can do, and do it as well or even better than men, and Gilder acknowledges that in many instances this is true. But he argues that if men do not have roles in society that are for the most part exclusive to them, and women likewise are not gender-identifiable (for the most part), the man is psychologically compelled to act out his masculinity in other ways, and the relationship he has with women is altered, and the alteration is not for the better. Men will come to feel that they are no longer needed, and radical feminism bolsters this idea. He concludes that gender roles are necessary to stabilize society, and if we don't have them, we surely will have destabilization. There is so much good material in this book that it should be required reading for all psychiatrists, psychologists, marriage counselors, priests, ministers, rabbis, and anyone else giving advice on sexual matters. I should think that we'd be delighted if we could avoid the path to sexual suicide. To that end, I highly recommend reading this book.

I bought and read "Sexual Suicide" when it was out in the 1970's. It was an eye-opener, reminescent of Alexis de Tocqueville's "Democracy in America" [...]. Since he has written a new book (1992) called "Men and Marriage," (which I confess I have not yet read,) that might be a more up-to-date statement of the consequences of the sexual revolution than is his 1973 writing. The value of the 1973 writing is still great, partly because it demonstrates that before the sexual revolution had "won" our society, a thoughtful sociologist could predict accurately what would be the consequences of women giving men the opportunity to sexually use them outside of marriage: 1. One MAJOR reason males married was to have a sex life. Post-Sexual Revolution, marriage becomes unnecessary to have sex, 2. so women find it difficult to find men to marry. They become increasingly willing to settle for a live-in boyfriend or a series of one-night stands. 3. The live-in boyfriend is far more likely to sexually or physically abuse his girlfriend's children than would be their own father. (The emotional and physical consequences of this abuse are immense.) 3. Children born to single mothers must either be given up in adoption (which is now rarely done), or the mother must try to go it alone financially. Especially if the mother is not through school, she will have great difficulty getting enough education to make an adequate income. She and her children often live in poverty. 4. Poverty often means attending sub-adequate school systems, and see undesirable examples of choices in the neighborhood around them. 5. Because young males need not take responsibility for their offspring and the women whom they sexually use, they fail to develop the sense of responsibility of the married. I.e., they drive less sanely than does the man with a wife and child in the car with him. They take risks that they believe will "only hurt themselves." They live for themselves, or for the gang. (Have you noticed the different rates on insurance for the married vs. single men? Insurance companies have reasons for their rates!) 6. As a result, young males are more likely to end up in prison or dead, especially if the person in question has had no father in HIS home of origin, either. 7. Prisons explode at the seams, and the whole of society pays, with increased crime, and increased expenses of police, courts, prisons, etc. And THIS was published in 1973! If you are less than perhaps 50 years of age, you likely don't remember a time before sex outside of marriage became the social norm. I was born in 1951: I've watched as Gilder's words have become so, so true. The only reason I give this book a 4 out of 5 stars is that, in its frank wording about sexuality, when my young hormones were raging, I used to have real problems controlling my thought life! This may or may not be a problem [...].