Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving

Sex for One is the latest version of a book that Betty originally self-published as "Liberating Masturbation," in the early 1970s. I own all three revisions of this book, and treasure them all. This is a very important book to read if you seek to understand your sexuality. I discovered it in the early 1980s, and was deeply moved by Betty's honesty and open attitude about sex. As a young man coming of age in the turbulent 60s, I was listening to feminists to try and understand what women wanted and where I fit in with that. Betty is a sex-positive feminist, and her rational, non-judgemental approach to sexuality really helped me come to terms with my own sexual energy. It was so refreshing to hear a woman talk so openly about her wants, needs and desires, and to see that women were indeed sexual creatures, too. Nowadays, we have Susie Bright, Carol Queen, Annie Sprinkle and many others who are sex-positive women speaking out, but Betty was an early and vital groundbreaker for this kind of material. She struck such a strong resonance with me that I wrote to her and we have been penpals ever since. I am therefore a bit biased, being a friend and fan of hers. The book tells of her experiences with her own sexuality and the workshops she led for women to discover orgasm for themselves and open exchanges with other women. It has some of her own beautiful artwork of couples and single people, including drawings of female genitalia (some of which demonstrate the origins of the Valentine Heart), to illustrate the material she discusses in the text. It is very tastefully done, and educational for those who are not familiar with the bodies and behaviors of others. It is not an extensive encyclopedia of human sexuality, but rather a guidebook for learning about your own sexuality and becoming okay with how you express that. It is geared primarily for women, but men can benefit from it as well. Masturbation is a very touchy subject (pun intended), and one that causes a great deal of anguish. (Just ask Jocelyn Elders. The woman should have gotten a medal, not been fired.) My view is this: sex can be seen to be much like food - it is a primary survival drive, and if we do not express that energy openly, it will leak out in other, negative behaviors, such as violence. Whether we eat alone or with others, we need to eat, and sex is the same. Masturbation is like eating alone. Not every meal is supposed to be a banquet with others. We need to eat to survive, and to practice our table manners for when we do dine with others. Masturbation is also a sexual act we can share with partners to help open up our understanding of each other, the wide range of sexual expression, and the true power and beauty of our sexual energy. It also has a place in the practice of other religious and spiritual systems not represented by the mainstream. The tendency to focus on heterosexual genital intercourse as the only "proper" sex people are supposed to practice greatly distorts th

... when coupling wasn't enough.Although I'd purchased this book a year ago, I didn't get around to reading it until a friend loaned me Dodson's "Selfloving" video about her group workshops with women. Dodson was such an effective speaker that I dug out the book just to get more of the inside story.Those who call this a partial autobiography and a "why to" more than "how to" book are quite right -- for "how to," I'd suggest her video. However, like with other forms of sex, there can be a difference between getting off from masturbating and actually feeling like a worthwhile person during and afterwards. To my mind, that's what this book is about.Some of Dodson's ideas are indeed still controversial: she suggests non-monogomy, to the point of extra-marital affairs, as potential help for sexual problems; she suggests that people talk to each other, even to their parents, about masturbation; the medically researched link between masturbation and meditation/creativity was news to me.I don't think the era we live in will determine whether this book is still necessary -- I think it'll be whether anyone still reacts to it with wonder and relief.

I used to be ashamed of masturbating. I thought of it as a sin...and something that that I would be punished for.After reading this book, I know now that I had nothing to be afraid of. I am in a loving relationship, but selfloving has given me a whole new out look in life. I love my boyfriend deeply and I think our relationship is much strong because I am more confident about my techniques andI feel less conscious about my body. Even if a woman doesn't masturbate, she should read this book. Maybe it will give women more self confidence about themselves