Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out

I don't have anything AGAINST Dr. Phil, I just hoped it wouldn'thave a lot of really good food for thought, practical applications and wisdom in the straight, no nonsense approach that makes up Oprah's buddy, Dr. Phil.Well, I couldn't help myself: this book is chock full of good stuff.Not only that, Dr. Phil's voice rings through his writing so clearly that I can literally hear him talking to me as I read!The approach in the book is very much a step-by-step approach working with a foundation of gathering evidence from defining moments in your life and then creating a plan of action through taking action upon positive, empowering choices instead of being "stuck" in the quagmire of your negative life history.Dr. Phil reminds us to "Know your history so you can walk out of it."He tells on himself more than once, describing his own episodes of "creative stupidity" which had me howling with laughter.Another lightbulb moment for me and a pure "Dr. Philism" was thereality that we are, in every moment, contributing or contaminating our relationships. Wow. That alone is worth the purchase of the book: especially in reading the supportive paragraphs.Like I said earlier, I didn't WANT to like this book. The main problem there is too much tangible substance that I can use to apply to my life in a positive way that I can't help myself in giving it a high rating.

I'm one of the few who has not seen Dr. Phil on TV except for brief bits and I have not read his other books. I bought this book because of its title, good reviews, and because I was undergoing severe problems with relatives that forced me to do research. Buying Self Matters was the BEST DECISION on a self-help book that I EVER made. Dr. Phil's main point is simple: a person may be unhappy and tormented by internal pain but we create our lives "from the inside out." We have one shot on this earth and face a simple choice: are we going to live our lives as we would truly like to live them or are we going spend our time here being defined, "typecast," hammered down, discouraged, de-energized -basically, CONTROLLED -- by outside forces(relatives, friends, expectations and past events)? Do you live according to what he calls the "authentic self" or do you live a life and identity others have given you, much like a casting director fills a part? And how to do you find out what you REALLY want and who you REALLY are (not how friends and relatives typecast you)? Here are several big reasons why you MUST buy Self Matters:1. DR. PHIL WALKS THE WALK: He changed his life. Originally he'd start each day unexcited, not proud of who he was since "everything I was doing was chosen to please other people by meeting their expectations while totally ignoring my own...I knew I wasn't living the life I was meant to live." He realized he had "betrayed who I was and instead accepted a fictional substitute that was defined from the outside in. I betrayed myself, and mine was a life and an experience that was a fraud and a fiction."2.HE GIVES YOU SPECIFICS THAT IMMEDIATELY GET ANSWERS: He writesin "tough love" style, including exercises and tests that help you take stock of who you REALLY are. He helps you painstakingly trace the key influences in your life, defining moments (good and bad), influential people, pivotal choices you made that led to who you are now -- and then shows you how to make NEW choices and create NEW behaviors to create new, more productive results...and live the life you were truly MEANT to live.3. USE IT AS POTENT MENTAL SELF DEFENSE for when people try to force you into roles or define you as THEY wish to define you -- whether in the job they expect you to do, the personality traits and flaws they insist you to have, the negative predictions they make about you or your success. "You can't be you if you don't know you," he writes.4. IT WILL CALM YOU: Living for your fictional self, he writes, "is a dangerous state of being that diverts, absorbs, and robs your life energy." People "sell out" and get used to "living an assigned role, rather than living " to who they really are.5. IT HELPS YOU DISRUPT MENTAL TERRORISTS IN YOUR LIFE: He teaches you to be acutely aware of the negative mental "tapes(values, beliefs and experiences) constantly playing over and over in your head, limiting you. And, most IMPORTANTLY: how to detect "life s

As I psychologist, I am consistently confronted with clients who do not know "who they truly are." They come in, plop down in a cozy chair and after summarizing (sometimes over months) their difficulties and past traumas...they oftentimes feel more exhausted than "better." They don't feel "fixed." It's frustrating for them at this point and usually this leads to the inclination of giving up; feeling that that nothing can make it "all better" and they buy into the lie that "I am worthless!" If you have ever been in therapy, you may identify with this. If you haven't, then you may still understand the frustration that can derive from doing everything you can to "feel better" and not experiencing the "pay off" for all your effort.That's why this book is so valuable. It breaks down the cycle of expectation - effort - undesired result - failure and explains, in no uncertain terms, the "formula" for knowing who you are; not who other people SAY you are, not who you THINK you should be, but who you are at the CORE. I consider this book a hands on tool to evaluate and understand YOU. It's especially helpful for those who feel any or all of the following:1. I have spent so much of my life trying to please others and live up to their expectations, that I have forgotten and neglected who I truly am.2. When I do muster up the courage to do something for myself, (take on a new hobby, career, etc.) I feel guilty that doing so would be taking time away from my family and/or responsibilities to others.3. I have bought into the labels others have placed on me instead of defining myself on my own terms. I have become what others said I would become.4. I know there is so much more I could be doing with my life, but I don't have ______ (the finances, the support of others, the time, the energy, etc.) so I guess I have to just accept my lot in life and deal with it.These are just of the few indications that this book is appropriate for you. It's helpful for anyone who is not living life to the fullest and cannot break the ties that bind from the past which confine them and hold them back from experiencing life in all its wonder.Finally, and very importantly, this book is written in candid form. It is interactive with self-tests that will bring to light things about yourself you may have never considered before. Dr. McGraw gives you a clear cut, no nonsense schematic of how to go from point A to point B without all the psycho-babble and cuts straight to the chase, which is just the way I like it.I would not recommend the abridged version. Make sure when ordering that the title does not indicate "abridged." Also, if you purchase any other titles by this author, consider ordering the accompanied "workbook" when available.

Dr. Phil McGraw's book, 'Self Matters,' has changed my life, and I truly believe that if given the time, attention and commitment, it can change anyone's life--the right way--from the inside out! I'm not one who believes in quick fixes or magical words to change my life--I've always known that if I wanted to do it, it had to be me stepping up to the plate. In 'Self Matters,' Dr. McGraw stands as a wonderful and steadfast guide in this journey of self-discovery--I never let myself down because I felt (even through the words on a page) that he wasn't going to let me down either. By guiding me step by step through the process of outlining why my life seemed jumbled and incoherent, I was able to discover how my decisions, moments and people (as well as my own internal dialogue) throughout my life have influenced and colored my present negatively and will continue to do so in my future if I don't change the way I perceive them. My 10 Defining Moments, 7 Critical Choices and 5 Pivotal People revealed SO much about why I've continued to make decisions that pulled me away from my authentic self and my true wants and desires in my life. Dr. McGraw helped me to admit to myself that since I could not go back in time and change things that happened to me, I had to reconnect with myself in a way that would allow me to move forward from the inside, putting myself in a place where I could function from my heart and soul. This book is not a quick fix nor is it something that will change your life overnight. It takes a concerted effort everyday until the tools and lessons become automatic and empowering. It took a long time for your life to get to the confusing place it is, it will take time and proper effort and commitment in order to free it from those chains. In 'Self Matters,' Dr. McGraw shows you how to use the vital and necessary tools to change your life into a more meaningful, happy and satisfying existence. I can honestly say that I have never done anything as important in my life than to bring myself back to me and those I love. I'm now one who 'gets it,' and that's such a powerful feeling! You can 'get it,' too if you really, really want it. I believe 'Self Matters' and Dr. Phil McGraw can show you how!

Dr. Phil delivers the goods again! What I like most about his books is that even though I am reading, it's as if he is right there in my living room speaking directly to me! His matter of fact approach is inspiring to me. And the test and graphs presented in the book provide a good starting point to see where you are in your life.I appreciated Dr. Phil's explanation of how my internal conversations and the different labels I had put upon myself are not realty but preconceived notions I had believed to be true. It is very freeing and satisfying to live a life without the restrictions of not being my true self. One sentence from the book had a profound influence on me and that was "one of the greatest gifts you can offer the other people in your life is your authentic self, rather than you fictional self. "There's another book called "WORKING ON YOURSELF DOESN¹T WORK" by Ariel & Shya Kane that I highly recommend reading. This book has a non-work, non-judgmental approach to finding your authentic self that has lasting and fulfilling effects.