Second Chances: Men, Women, and Children a Decade After Divorce

I found this book in a second hand shop during the time that my husband and I were considering seperating after an 18 year marriage. I found the book amazenly insightful. I saw the truth in what really happens to children after a divorce and not what the public portrays and "something they will get over." This book made me cry on nearly ever page. I was able to identify with many things, myself as a child of divorce. I did go ahead and get a divorce but this book absolutely changed my life and my actions. My ex husband read the book and we attended classes on how to behave and raise children in THEIR best interests. It has been three years now and even through there have been struggles, I feel I have done the best that a parent can in this situation. My exhusband and I are very amicable and cordial to each other. His child support is never a day late. He calls several times a week because we live in another state. He flies to see the children on spring break and they spend Christmas vacation and summers with him. We never bicker or fight or ever use the children. This book helped us see how parents can fall into patterns of destruction. We are both parents of our two children, and we feel that even though we are divorced we still need to co-parent. We discuss their future and make plans together for them. We owe this to our children. Our children have the right to two loving parents. Because of this book, we have been able to see better ways to raise our children with as little trauma as possible and give them a brighter future. I HIGHLY recommend this book to any couple considering divorce. You OWE it to your children.

I first read this book in a Sociology class when I was a senior in college. I was particularly interested because my parents had divorced a couple of years earlier. The ten year look at the effect of divorce on all persons involved is very insightful and rigorously researched. Second Chances presented several scenarios of what can occur after divorce. I found one of those scenarios for how children cope after divorce to be true for me. This book will open your eyes about the effects of divorce on both parents and children. If you are or have been involved in a divorce, this book supplies worthwhile and meaningful information that makes the process of divorce and its effects clearer. Kudos to Judith Wallerstein et al for bringing all the data together to present this information.

Every person who has experienced divorce as a child should read this book. I found myself, my parents, and my siblings on every page, and I cried on most pages. This book has changed my life, because I now understand so many of the hurts I experienced growing up. And I understand how hard it must have been for my parents as well. I don't blame them anymore, but I think that if all divorcing fathers were to read this book they would make a greater effort to maintain the parental ties to their children after divorce.

The case studies presented are poignantly eye-opening and powerful. Unlike many books which attempt to "sugar coat" divorce as a life transition that one works through (and with time, "gets over and moves on"), this one focuses on the realities--both good and bad.Reading this book, I rode the emotional roller coaster between hope and despair, anger and compassion, guilt and indignation.Anyone who truly loves their children needs to read this book and contemplate the possible impact of divorce on THEIR lives before severing a marriage bond--for too long we've dined on rationalizations fed to us by friends, therapists, attorneys, and the media that parents who are unfulfilled in their marriages actually help their kids by divorcing.This book leaves enough room for readers to draw their own conclusions as it relates to their circumstances, but at the same time, it certainly debunks some of the myths!!!I would certainly recommend this book as "preventive maintenance" for any marriage--sadly, I didn't find it soon enough to save my own.

I loved this book! I found it extremely helpful to have real-life case studies that reveal the long term effects of post-divorce parenting on our kids, as opposed to the traditional "self-help" guides. This book has real scenarios, with real kids, and real outcomes. I've recommended it to many friends, who have all be equally impressed!