Sanity and Grace: A Journey of Suicide, Survival, and Strength

This book is rather depressing, but it gives great insight to Judy Collins the human being. There is some good poetry in it. I'm only half way through.It's a great bargain!Sanity and Grace

I purchased this book while in Boulder CO because Judy Collins, one of my favorite artists, was doing a talk and signing at the bookstore that night. Her book is an amazing memoir of life before and after her son completed suicide. She manages to put his life into context by sharing her background. I was mesmerized as I read, and I continue to be impressed by her strength and ability to put her life on display and speak out on so many issues that we as a society would prefer to ignore. The beauty of Judy Collins' singing voice is echoed in her written words. Reading her book is like having a private concert in your home.

I didn't experience suicide of a loved one, but did experience the murder of my mother by a psychotic patient who came for treatment where she worked as a social worker, over 40 years ago when I was 9. There are many differences, but also commonalities in suicide, murder, and all sudden, violent death where there is no opportunity to say goodbye. And the major truth is this: you never "get over it." You can go on, and even laugh again and love again and experience great joy again, but part of your heart is permanently ripped out, and you feel it forever, and you never "get over it." The challenge, for survivors, is to try to create a loving, full life in spite of it. This is a key message of Ms. Collins' book.

Sanity and Grace: A Journey of Suicide, Survival, and Strength by Judy Collins Reviewed by Suzanne M. Retzinger, Ph.D. "The streets of London have their map; but our passions are uncharted." (Virginia Woolf). I was given a copy of Sanity and Grace by a remarkable man - Al Lowman - and was not sure at the time what I was meant to see. I read it to find out. I found a rare combination of expression of feeling and intelligent use of the work that has been done on suicide - woven together into a story. What I saw in Judy Collins's book was a roadmap of the passions. I read the story of a journey from the stigma and shame of a family secret - her son's death by suicide - into the open where healing begins to take place. Breaking down the ancient walls of a taboo, Judy chose to build bridges, rather than remain behind the wall. She questions why a person would be defined by a moment in time when someone takes his or her life - why this moment would weigh more than all others. A mix of journal entries and prose shows the road from pain to light - and there is light. Like many who suffer from the death of a loved one, Judy was told to stop talking about it, "get on with your life", "you're bringing others down". I hear this again and again from people who come to the bereavement groups I facilitate. Silence prevents healing - suicide is whispered she says, and "never quite shouted, as it should be, to the rooftops." She refused to stay silent, or to accept shame that would have been isolating. Instead she chose to express her pain. Talking is healing, and grief is the acceptance of that loss. Judy gives a clear message: there is only one way to heal - right through the pain. She found sobriety, and refused medication for her grief - grief is not a disease, "I wanted to feel everything, the pain and the depression, the hurt, even the rage." And she allowed herself to feel, "let it role over me and around me, let it boil up and claim me, let it wrench the tears out of my eyes and let it roll into rage." Her complex emotions find voice and grace through words. Going through mourning can feel insane, and no one needs to do it alone. There's "power in the intimacy that comes with sharing secrets", and is in itself healing. A network of caring people and support groups helped her move through. There are support groups - there are caring people to travel with us. Hospice is a starting place to find such a group. By speaking her suffering, and courage to be vulnerable, Judy Collins charts a path for others to follow. A god has given us a voice to speak our pain - let us use it. I sing my highest praise.

As a physician who cares for suicidal patients and survivors of suicide, this book brought me enlightenment. As a parent who has lost a child, it brought me tears. Now I understand the pain behind the beautiful music of one of my favorite singers, Judy Collins. As she says in her book, "we are all looking for the light".