Rules of Engagement: Four Couples and American Marriage Today

In this book, Lis Harris takes the readers into the lives of four couples - an affluent couple, a blue-collar couple, an African American couple, and a bohemian couple. What was most refreshing was that Harris told the stories of unexceptional families, the type that can be most interesting, yet are so infrequently covered. Her focus was on how couples lived and related on a day to day basis - from the division of household responsibilities, to planning for the futures, their sex lives, and their relations with their parents and children.Interspersed between the stories was information about the role of women and the institution of marriage throughout history.The reason I didn't give it five stars was that Harris piqued my interest in issues such as gender roles and division of responsibilities, but left these four middle-aged New York-area couples as examples without including more hard data. I would have liked the factual sections expanded to include statistics from the fields of sociology and public policy, moving beyond the history of marriage to probe a bit deeper into what is going on today and why things are changing they way they are.A unique book worth reading to see beyond the facades of marriages and glimpse how different couples handle the challenges of building a family.

A cogent, sharply observed, and thoughtful book, it held my interest all the way through. Lis Harris leavens her interviews with four couples of widely divergent social milieux with a well-researched exploration of historic American attitudes towards marriage. My one criticism is that her understanding of the first couple showed greater depth, perhaps because she belongs to their social class.