Romancing Your Wife: A Little Effort Can Spice Up Your Marriage

Every Marriage, if it is successful, is the product of work, change, struggle, and grace. After 21 years of marriage, I know that I am more "in love" with my wife than ever before...and I also know that happiness in marriage doesn't just happen; rather, it is the byproduct of intentionality, yieldedness, and a willingness to love and be loved. I picked up this book (and its companion volume, Romancing your husband) to review as a resource in the ministry that my wife and I have to couples. We love getting to speak with others about how to develop a more fulfilling relationship...and we REALLY love helping them avoid some of the pitfalls and mistakes we have made along the way. The thesis of this book resonates with our experience. Happiness requires effort. Great marriages don't just happen. Oh, people can just "stay married," but experiencing "abundant life" in marriage requires a lot of work (on ourselves to become what our mate needs). This book is fun! It is full of actual experiences from the author's lives. It speaks with a voice of reality to the truth of everyday experiences. Each chapter includes a testimonial of what "my husband did right" and neat ideas to help a man find his "romance" bearings again. Perhaps my only critique of the book arises from the author's attempt to explain her "theology." The writer comes from a "mainline denomination" and appears to hold to a more egalitarian theology than I am comfortable with. (NOTE: An egalitarian would assert that men and women are equal in every way and that references in the Bible to distinct gender roles are archaic and not applicable; whereas, a complementarian {yours truly} would assert an equal value for both men and women, but would hold to a more literal understanding of gender roles...i.e the husband is the spiritual leader in the home, the role of pastor is reserved for qualified and called men, etc., because it is by God's design, not based on a particular set of spiritual gifts, etc.) Certainly, the standard of orthodoxy is not "my comfort" but is a biblical theology. I have a number of close friends who come from an egalitarian viewpoint. We are friends and it is not a point of determination for fellowship. However, the points in the book are great without trying to assert that God is egalitarian and that people who don't agree with that are simply archaic and out of touch. To further complicate the author's argument, she claims that those who would not agree with her typically "strip-mine" the text to support their argument, while not dealing with the "difficult texts" that would seem to contradict her own view. The fact is...the book has incredible strengths and this excursion of the author's served no purpose other than to provide a forum for her particular viewpoint. But, then again, it is her book...and any reader who possesses the skills to read critically and accept the rest of the book...can gain from it. I would recommend this book, with the above caveat. In m

Anything that will help improve your marriage is a must read book. I will do anything to make that happen. I highly recommend this book.

This book literally changed my life and moved our marriage from a good level to a great level. Every husband must read this book and his wife must read Debra's companion book "Romancing your Husband".

I recently purchased wife-and-husband team Debra and Daniel Smith's "Romancing Your Wife" to find ways to jumpstart my marital sex life. After nine years of marriage, three small children, and a problematic sexual relationship beginning at "I do," my wife and I didn't enjoy ourselves on the rare occasions when we did engage. I knew, and the book clearly delineates, that "romance" is not synonymous with "sex," but I needed assistance addressing one of the contributing factors to our inconsistent liaisons - being "romantically challenged." This book shows me that I do not need to fear the word "romance," and that even someone like me can do it - "it" meaning to use different ways to show my wife that I value, cherish, need and like her. "Romancing Your Wife" confirms that romance is not only the rent-out-a-ballroom-for-dinner-for-two popularized in books and movies, but also simply opening the car door for her on a regular basis. Daniel writes, "Sometimes I think it's easier to throw some money-based idea at our wives for a special occasion than it is to be considerate and thoughtful every day of the week." Amen to that. I like the range of marriage topics discussed in the book including role expectations (i.e. what do I as a husband expect my wife to do for me, the house, the kids), dealing with past hurts (infidelities, unresolved disagreements, disappointments), sex (not a how-to, but a why-not), and childrearing. I also appreciate the judicious use of Bible verses to support their point of view on a number of key issues (The Whites are Christians). For example, chapter six, "The Truth About Love," will challenge husbands, as it did me, to consider if they have bankrupted their marriages by unconsciously marginalizing their wives, using Scripture to highlight how husbands should think about their wives. Overall, I find this book to be superior to any other I have read on romance for the following reasons. First, Debra Smith does most of the "talking" in the book which, for the male reader, is an advantage because men want and need to know how women think. I understand how my wife thinks (sometimes), but to hear it from an independent source-a third party if you will-neutralizes what can go through my mind when talking with my wife, "you're just saying that because..." I know Mrs. Smith is not trying to, or able to, manipulate me as a wife could/would because she knows me so well. She can say "Your wife needs to see that you love her - not just hear that you love her." I can internalize and subsequently action that message (for some reason) much more easily. I need to hear certain things from more than one source to believe it. Women know what women want better than men do, and therefore a woman can provide better information on what could make my wife's heart sing. In my opinion, a male writing on romance can't do that as well. Second, this wife-husband duo provides an excellent balance to the story of romance. Just when