Restoring the Fallen: A Team Approach to Caring, Confronting Reconciling

Last January, I somewhat accidentally wound up attending a seminar by a couple speaking at Northwest Mission Connexion. I couldn't believe it, but the guy, Earl Wilson, was standing there talking about how he had had an affair and then repented, being restored to fellowship. There was his wife as well, standing there explaining the story from her perspective. It was a pretty good seminar. I don't remember too much else about it, but I bought this book which Wilson and his wife and two other couples authored. Last week, I happened to notice the book on my shelf here and picked it up. The book is excellent. I just finished it tonight. It describes how Wilson, a therapist and writer with a Ph.D. in psychology, fell into adultery and how a group gently helped restore him (following Gal. 6:1-2). They explain how this group, which they call a Spiritual Care Team, formed and acted over a period of years to hold him accountable, ensure he followed through with his stated intentions of repenting and ultimately -- after three years -- pronounced him ready to return and be restored to ministry (although it sounds as if it's a bit different from in the past). The authors take the approach that full disclosure is best, pretty much always best. I tend to agree, but I would have appreciated it if they had addressed Prov. 17:9, which states, "Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends." My sense is that this verse speaks against gossip, not against confession. Still, it would have been nice if they would have addressed this seeming contradiction. Another verse seems to be more the ethic of the book, "The righteous hates falsehood, but the wicked brings shame and disgrace," Prov. 13:5. After reading this book, I can see how the authors embrace truth-telling and hate lying lips (as does God, Prov. 6:17), and how honesty, confession and transparency help toward spiritual healing, rebuilding trust and restoration.

These brave authors become transparent to everyone's benefit. Clergy struggles with addictions are real and rampant. Sweeping the problems under the carpet won't make them go away. Cheap grace won't either. If every church member reads this book, the church might be able to get real and healthy. Disclaimer: the book is tough and will challenge the reader.

This book will be very helpful for any one planning to be involved in a restoration group for someone who has fallen sexually. It reads like a case study from the perspective of the person being helped, Earl Wilson in this case. Although it has many authors listed, all but two chapters are written by Earl Wilson. The book is not very well written, but the story is compelling and some of the insights are like gold nuggets. The second appendix is an interview with Wilson's counselor, who is not a Christian, and is painful to read, but also insightful. Any church looking to use restoration groups to help those wrapped up in sexual immorality should definitely read this book.

This is a very practical book for those supporting a recovering person. I should make clear that it is only for supporting those truly committed to their own recovery. The authors have experience in this area first hand as both recovering addicts & as their support team. As far as I am aware, this is the only book of it's kind. I highly recommend this book for after the initial shock of the addiction is out in the open when those involved are ready to take those next difficult steps toward getting better. My husband & I were able to share this book with our committed support team as a guideline for how best to help us reconcile. Though it was only a part of our recovery plan, this book was invaluable. Almost 4 years later, we are still in active recovery & still meeting with our recovery team on a regular basis. Huge thanks to the Wilsons for sharing their story!

All of the authors were directly involved in shepharding a christian counselor/speaker/writer/teacher back to full reconciliation - which by the way was a several year process. Sexual sins thrives in darkness and secrecy. They tend to make people uncomfortable so most are happy to just brush them under the rug, move on, and never bring these temptations and acting out tendencies up again. WRONG!!It is not 'only' the sexual sins, but the sins of selfishness, long histories of bad choices, lying, deciet, twisting the truth. Just getting the acting out to stop is actually only scraping the surface. He needed to get to the point of humility in admitting what a mess his way made of life. He needed to willingly submit to God's direction as laid out for him through his psychiatrist, Spiritual Care Team (two other couples) and his wife. They recognized how important it is to include the wife in the process. Involving the wife help short circuit any twisting or hiding of the truth of what is or is not happening. He stated that the abuser may never be the one to declare himself healed. This showed a wholistic approach of not only dealing with acting out, but the deeper individual levels and marraige habits that needed retraining with follow-up. They deal with the objections such as who am I to judge someone else, or thinking that by not bringing up bold love questions such as how is your spiritual walk going this week? Have you watched anything that might bring comprimises? Are you lying to me? We ARE our brothers keepers. Not in a pharisaical or judgemental way but in an encouraging way to keep on the right track. This is a must read for church leaders in a church such as mine that doesn't practice discipline much. It helps to lay out a great healing process. I needed this book two years ago. Now that my husband's accountability group wanted to hold him accountable for very specific things each week, he declared that the group had finished serving its original purpose and he didn't need them anymore. His unwillingness to submit is heartbreaking. At least read the book to understand how many relationships are hurt with these sins and for a broader view on the depth of deciet that must be rooted out.