Refusing to Be a Man: Essays on Sex and Justice

Although Stoltenberg's affiliation with Andrea Dworkin and his views on pornography might turn off some readers, his essays on feminism and the ways sexism and masculinity negatively impact men's lives were tremendously important to my understanding of issues of gender, sex and sexuality. While you may not agree with every piece in the book, Stoltenberg's objective -- to formulate a theory of liberation for men that will also liberate women -- is a welcome radical exploration and excavation of men's lives.

John Stoltenberg is a brave man. He shines a light into the murky waters of mens' unconscious fears and desires exposing the fragility of masculinity and the injustice that underpins it. There is a black and white argument to this book which will discomfort many men; but I believe there are some fundamental truths, many of which form so much part of the fabric of our society, we can no longer see them critically. At least (most) men. I don't believe Stoltenberg is trying to deny or repress sexuality, quite the reverse, he is trying to expose the ways in which it is only mens' view of sexuality that is expressed through pornography and the media, and he is critical of it. For it depicts a type of sexuality which is about domination and subordination and does not uphold any principles of justice or ethics; 'It is now assumed that by giving eroticised domination and subordination free expression, is the fullest flowering of sexual freedom'. Why should this be the norm? If you are of the persuasion that men are 'naturally' this way, then you will despise this book. But if you believe that sexuality is more of a spectrum, then you will take this book for what it is; an opportunity for men to critically look at their role in propagating a type of sexual injustice that objectifies and demeans women whilst stereotyping and patronising men. This book is NOT about demonising men, this book is about highlighting, debating and freeing us from the above. It is above all about the potential to change an outmoded, unjust, narrow and frankly dysfunctional perspective of sexuality, which does little to foster positive and healthy sexual attitudes between the sexes- if of course that should be of any interest to men!

This book is my bible. This is the best book I have ever known, and I carry it with me everywhere.I also quote the author with complete citation as my signature quotations with e - mail. And every other opportunity given me to do so.This author, his perceptions? Genius.'Bout time, too, that there was a man so brilliant.I have already put in, and am awaiting, an order for his Refusing to be a Man: Essays on SOCIAL Justice ... not yet out but soon!Blue Maas [email protected]

I read Stoltenberg's book the same year I read Robert Bly's "Iron Yawn" (oops! I meant "Iron John"!) and frankly, I was shocked. Bly's book offended me by offering no real solutions to anything, whereas Stoltenberg not only provided creative and profound insights into the problem of gender ideology, he actually recognized and identified the real problem for what it is, something Bly seems incapable of doing. I was surprised, upon reading this book and seeing how strongly it resonated with my own experiences, to discover that I've been a "radical feminist" all my life. Like most men, I had used the "radical" label to demonize a straw man (or should that be "straw woman"?) version of feminism that no one anywhere actually espouses. It took reading this book for me to understand that I've been one of the radicals all along, and furthermore, that I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Stoltenberg's insightful, and often delightful, commentary on the idea of manhood and the social injustice required to meaningfully maintain it, forever altered my perceptions of the world around me. Goddess (or whoever) bless Stoltenberg! Find this book and read it as if your life depended on it, because it probably does.

This is excellent and critical analysis in gender studies and the only disappointing thing is that it was written over ten years ago but couldn't be more appropriate to current circumstances for women and men still today. I am so inspired and reheartened to read of a man doing such critical and crucial work in gender analysis. Too often it seems that women are doing the gender work, and when men are coming onto the scene it is in the form of movements and justifications which so offensively act to effectively maintain the power men have in a patriarchal world! Seldom have I come across a man publicising ideas which do actually serve to work with those ideas which promote the empowerment of women. The Lion must learn to eat straw like the Ox, not force the Ox to eat meat like the Lion. Equality is only achieved through the process whereby the ones who stand to lose: the abusers or perpetrators in a system of injustice, are actually prepared to lose - in order to gain. And this is what John Stoltenberg is doing and trying to explain to others in this book. A must read for everyone, most importantly for men engaging in movements in sexual politics for the equality of people on the basis of gender.