Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved

I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a childhood that was unstable, neglectful or abusive or who is in a relationship with a person with an unstable childhood. This book provides concrete strategies for overcoming the unconscious sabotaging that frequently results from such backgrounds. -- I finished this book feeling a great sense of sadness because it explained so clearly why my last relationship - with the love of my life - failed. The hope of the book is that it gives communication techniques for creating emotional intimacy in a relationship. - The book's premise is that many people are blind to the fact that they create barriers towards receiving love. I had never thought of this before but can apply it directly to my own life: I never thought that I deserved to be happy or to be loved. Similarly, in my last relationship I did everything possible to reach out to my girlfriend and open myself up emotionally to her, but the more I reached out, the more she shut down; I see now that she was simply refusing to accept love and had a block towards emotional intimacy, empathy and compassion because she carries so much unresolved baggage. - This book explains in great detail the reasons for this self-sabotaging behavior, most often directly tied to childhood abuse and neglect. It provides many case studies on relationships showing how subtle, insidious and destructive the behavior pattern of refusing to receive love is. - Most importantly, the book gives a very thoughtful, positive and counter-intuitive strategy to allow oneself to begin receiving love. - I am so sad for what has been lost in my life, but this book provides hope for the future.

I think this is essential reading for reflection for ALL couples whether they have been married one day or eighty years

The book was received in a timely manner and the condition was as promised. Have just finished reading "Getting the Love you Want" by the same author. He has the best way of presenting & teaching that I've ever experienced with a writer on this subject matter. And, wonderful exercises are included at the end to enable readers to practice application of what they've just read. Very helpful.

A very interesting and insightful book. Here are some representative excerpts. God can be more easily found in human love than in the human mind - from the Brothers Karamazov Ongoing interaction with a long-term partner can be an agent of transformation more powerful than any other. We have come to believe that it is the clearest way for transformation to occur. Sooner or later in every relationship the initial attraction turns into a power struggle as couples find themselves facing in their spouse the same behavior and attitudes that drove them crazy in their parents. (Or it could be they project issues they had in the past with other people onto their spouse). It turns out that loving your partner is the best way to facilitate your own personal and spiritual growth. The impulse to step away from positive input is an indication that you have problems receiving love. The most important commitment we (the authors) made were to end negativity and move toward amplifying the positive, even though we said many times we didn't know how to do that. Separate Knowing = what is real and true exists independently of who is doing the observing. Connected Knowing = Let me suspend my critical judgments for a minute and see if I can enter your world and try to feel the truth of what you are saying. We are formed from every important relationship we have ever had. No one comes to a relationship empty handed. There are all kinds of information, prejudice, wishful thinking, and expectations interjected between people before they really get to know each other. Self-rejection and self-hatred are directly related to the problems people have in receiving love; i.e., "I'm not good enough". What do butterflies and good relationships have in common? Both are colorful, but they also go thru 4 stages: For good relationships they are: attraction, romance, power struggle, and mature love (the full blown butterfly). For humans, volition is required for their transformation. Romantic partners have to become conscious (not act unconsciously), set goals, exercise patience and make good choices if their relationship is to progress to the next level. We assign our partners characteristics we don't allow ourselves to have. We attribute a quality, fault, skill, motive, thought or feeling that originates from us. In a way we project onto them what we don't or won't know about ourselves. One clue that it's a projection rather than an objective assessment is if it's veracity is asserted repeatedly, with intense emotion. Being quick to anger or excessively self-absorbed are more often a symptom of unhealed wounds rather than a character defect. When people are mistreated as children, they don't know they have sustained a hit that strongly shapes the way they will connect to friends and other intimates in the future. Kindness is an appropriate way of life when everyone is carrying the burden of previous psychological injuries. Self rejection often masquerades

This latest book by Dr. Hendrix and Dr. Hunt speaks volumes to the necessary work of the couples I have seen in my practice over the years. This book is a natural progression from Harville Hendrix's earlier books for couples, singles and parents. I highly recommend this book even if you think you *are* able to receive the love you want. You may be suprised. It might also help you understand your partner. Attunement to a child is imperative for the child to develop a sense of self as Hendrix and Hunt point out. My work with lesbians and gays has always been focused on the non-attunement these individuals have had from society and parents and how this has negatively impacted their relationships. Even though this book is written for straight couples, gay and lesbian couples will highly benefit from this book!