Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)

While expecting our first baby and then as new parents, my wife and I received loads of excellent advice from friends and family regarding childbirth, doctors, baby-care, day-care, formula brands, etc. Last week, as a father with 8 weeks of experience in parenting, I had my first opportunity to offer advice to an expectant parent. I suggested she visit two day care centers I had liked, visit the pediatrician my wife and I chose, and read Protecting the Gift by Gavin de Becker. Gavin de Becker makes his living predicting and preventing violent behavior. His firm provides security and consultation to celebrities, athletes, world leaders, the CIA, U. S. Supreme Court and other security organizations around the world. In Protecting the Gift, de Becker introduces parents to startling statistics revealing the violent reality of our culture: one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually molested by the time they reach adulthood; 90 percent of sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows; the most common age that sexual abuse begins is when the child is three years old. Most parents live with a mindset that denies or ignores this reality. But as de Becker shows in his book, our children are living in this reality everyday. De Becker's purpose in this book is two-fold: 1) to hit parents in the face with the real dangers awaiting children, and 2) to teach parents how to avoid fruitless worry and to take meaningful steps to protect children. On both points, de Becker succeeds. Parents are raising children during an age when an FBI child-pornography sting indicts teachers, coaches, pastors and judges. It is an age of guns and date-rape drugs. At the same time, many parents experience an urgent need for help in raising children, often from the age of six-weeks onward. Parents look for family, day care workers, sitters, schools, nannies and friends to provide support in raising children. How can parents assure their children's safety? De Becker addresses this question by first focusing on the fact that violent behavior can be predicted. The book teaches that children can be taught skills to avoid dangerous situations and people. He emphasizes the development and use of intuition as a parent's key resource in recognizing threats. He cites numerous stories of people avoiding harm by listening to intuition and others who ignored intuition and became victims. De Becker shares many practical lessons. He teaches what to look for in safe child-care workers and sitters. He lists the signs that indicate a dangerous stranger versus a friendly stranger. He also illustrates ways that well-meaning parents do things that increase a child's vulnerabilities. The Bible teaches that wolves dress in sheep's clothing and that evil-doers masquerade as angels of light. Nothing fits this description more precisely than a sexual predator of children. De Becker teaches that pedophiles and rapists often gain the confidence of their vi

I almost gave this book four stars, but only because it has a few flaws, where De Becker's THE GIFT OF FEAR was not only flawless, but taught me more than any one book has ever taught me. Still, this is a powerful book. I read it without stopping for sleep, so I can assure you that it is indeed well written.De Becker shows parents and other adults every facet of possible victimization of children and how to avoid it. When he is teaching his readers, which is always, he uses brilliant examples that we can all relate to. Take this as an example: "I would ask which is sillier: waiting a moment for the next elevator, or placing her child and herself into a soundproof sterel chamber with a stranger she is afraid of?" Succinctly, he teaches, in that one sentence, so much. How many times have all of us pushed ourselves into an elevator with someone who made us afraid? De Becker's challenge is to empower us as parents, and empower us he does, just as he empowered us in THE GIFT OF FEAR. He instructs us all on using our intuition to make life or death decisions. I can still recall a time when my son, then just very small, and I were staying at a luxurious hotel. We went to the top-floor pool and walked right into a burglary. How I managed to get myself and my son out of there calmly and completely is a testament to De Becker's lessons on the incredible strength of a mother whose baby is threatened. De Becker teaches us all new ways of thinking and new ways of being and new ways of protecting our children and ourselves from abuse, abduction, violence, crime.De Becker's appendices are worthwhile, too, with listings of excellent books and important organizations.This is a book I would recommend to anyone who loves a baby, child, or adolescent.

I hate reading anything that makes me feel anxious and initially this book sat on the shelf for weeks before I actually picked it up. I was so glad I did because there is such valuable information in here and I actually feel better about my child's safety than I did before. Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe and Parents Sane is about how to teach your child to trust her instincts when it comes to safety. Since 90% of child abuse and abductions occur by people well-known to your child, teaching her to talk to strangers just doesn't work. Instead, the author gives you detailed and logical steps to take, starting as early as toddlerhood, so you'll know how to help your child learn to follow her instincive feelings about whether someone is safe or not. Crucial information about how to be prepared for (God forbid but we should all be prepared just in case) the event that your child may be seperated from you in public. Examples include making a daily detailed mental note of the clothing your child is wearing, keeping large photocopies of your child's picture and name in your purse/wallet so you can hand them out to security personel within seconds of your child's disappearance and an action plan for immediate implementation. There is SO much in this book - every bit of it worth reading so you can protect your child - and I can't recommend it strongly enough. Read it NOW and be prepared.

What a masterpiece! A must read for EVERY female and EVERY parent. Gavin De Becker's writing flows easily and is very compelling. After reading this book I feel less fearful and more confident about protecting both myself and my children from many types of predators (kidnappers, rapists, etc.), and you will too. You will be more informed about which crimes you and your children are most vulnerable to, and you will learn the statistics as well as what to do to protect yourself.

Gavin De Becker's new book is a valuable and important extension of his excellent "The Gift of Fear." I teach high school psychology and had my classes read TGOF, which proved to be an eye-opening, empowering tool for teenagers. "Protecting the Gift" expands on these ideas by specifically focusing on child and teenager safety. While I agree with some minor criticisms that the new book repeats some older material, the repeated material is worth hearing again, and the new book provides the most thoughtful and specific advice I have heard on how to talk to children about self-protection. As I new parent, I am grateful for De Becker's instructions. My own parents are wonderful, but as I suspect is true of the vast majority of families, they never talked to me as a child about how to recognize, prevent, and report sexual abuse--or how to trust my intuition and say no to adults in any number of questionable circumstances. By teaching us how to engage in this dialogue, De Becker is doing the public a great service!