Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits : Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships

I work as personal and professional development coach and have a graduate education in both a hard science and psychology. In my role as a coach, I have seen with my own eyes the devastation that infidelity, sexual addiction, sexual deceit causes in many lives. I have also written articles on infidelity and have done some deep studies in human sexuality from various perspectives. It is from this place that I am evaluating this book with a very open mind that is concerned with dealing with the modern culture landscape as it relates to sexual morals. As a biologist/biochemist, I have read extensively on evolutionary biology and it is clear to me from the literature that we are hard-wired to pursue two mating strategies (long and short term) and that like other primates we have a strong tendency toward being promiscuous. This is complicated by a lot of ignorance, guilt, shame and hurt that is often not communicated about and sometimes not healed. (For more information on different mating strategies see The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. The modern dilemma seems to be what does sexual ethics look like in contemporary society where people often wait until their mid-thirties to marry and life is much more complicated. Given that it is also a post-modern world where for many people old paradigms don't seem to apply, what can one use as a yardstick for evaluating behavior. This book attempts to address these issues head-on. At the same time, social institutions such as marriage seem less relevant to many people and there seems to be a crisis of meaning. While everyone seeks intimacy, many people feel out of alignment or can't make peace with the cultural instituitions and beliefs we have inherited from the past and our respective religious backgrounds. I think this is underscored in the alarming statistics of the infidelity rate -- the sad reality is that in any given marriage, there is an 80% chance that at least one of the partners will cheat at some time often with devastating life consequences. Polyamory or non-monagamy is one possible solution that is proposed to this dilemma. This book is a sensitive exploration of this topic and asserts that honest non-monagamy is more authentic, less hurtful and often workable for people who struggle with monogamy. It even goes so far as to say that serial monogamy is a form of non-monogamy and it is what people are really practicing in general as evidenced by the high divorce rate and dating behavior of most people. I think Deborah Anapol presents a strong argument for the validity of honest non-monogamy that respects other people's rights, dignity and trust. Certainly, I see this as a more healthy alternative to secret agendas, sexual deceit and furtive relationships that engender shame, guilt and anger. On the other hand, I think the book underplays that we are also wired to bond and that for many people this is a perfectly comfortable arrangement. In reality, I thihk there

When I fell into the idea of polyamory years ago, I just kind of made up the rules as I went along. If I had had this book, I wouldn't have made the mistakes that I did....but it was also reassuring to find that I'd gotten some things right by pure instinct. This book is a fantastic primer for anyone just considering a polyamorous relationship, and yet still a great help for those of us already involved in the lifestyle. I know that my husband, Chris, and my wife Gena, and I, couldn't do without it, it really helps us get over the rough spots of poineering a new lovestyle. Especially helpful are the chapters about jealousy, and coming out of the closet to friends and family. I absolutlely, completely reccommend this book not only to polyamorous families, but their friends and birth families as well. It explains in detail all the things that one needs to know. A must have!

author of DREAMING YOUR REAL SELF: A PERSONAL APPROACH TO DREAM INTERPRETATION and DREAM BACK YOUR LIFEMonogamy isn't the only way to be in loving relationships. We don't expect to have exclusive or closed relationships with friends, and many people are able to love more than one person intimately. Responsible non-monogamay doesn't mean you are unable to be in a committed relationship or that you are sleeping around, cheating, or risking STDs. If you have considered polyamory in any form (and there are many ways to be polyamorous) this book will help you examine the pitfalls and promises. The suggestions for honesty, compassionate understanding, and dealing with jealousy in relationships will be informative even for those who decide poly isn't for them. Conscious adults will appreciate being reminded that they can design their relationships as they see fit.

One of the two best books on polyamory and polyfidelity, with a focus on the latter. Though Anapol's work is beset with preachy "spirituality" discussion that really has very little to do with the subject of the book, and gets annoying at times, the advice and experience in it are priceless. However, it does focus very strongly on the group nature of polyamory - on responsibility, sharing, cooperation, etc. - and is missing much of the information relating to the more personal, hedonistic, and self-reliant side that one needs just as much as the group behavior and relationship partnering side. For that reason, I would strongly encourage anyone reading "Polyamory" to also read Easton & Liszt's "The Ethical Slut", which provides this other half of the picture.

Love Without Limits is a solid introduction to polyamory. Polyamory is the practice of having multiple ethical, honest, non-monogamous relationships. Making polyamorous relationships work can be difficult for many people... they bring up issues not always faced in monogamous relationships, and poly families often have few role models and friends who can provide experienced advice. This makes books like this one extremely important. Topics covered include ethics, how to tell if polyamory is right for you, skills for successfully managing polyamorous relationships, jealousy, managing transitions from monogamy to non-monogamy, coming out, and many more. While this book is clearly aimed at people in or considering polyamorous relationships, I would also recommend its section on relationship skills (the chapter "Eight Steps to Successful Polaymory") to people in or considering monogamous relationships. Highly recommended. In addition, people who enjoy this book may also want to look at a book which approaches some of these topics from a similar but not identical viewpoint: "The Ethical Slut: A guide to infinite sexual possiblities" by Easton, Dossie and Liszt, Catherine A., Greenery Press, 1997.