Personal Village: How to Have People in Your Life by Choice, Not Chance

Most books about networking, dating, and making friends start at the point of contact: They assume that the user knows where to go to make friends. Thomas starts with the basics, from roaming your neighborhood to meet folks to the handy rule of thumb that it takes 7 visits to a new group for others to feel that you're one of the crowd. I teach interpersonal communication, and this book has the best pointers I've yet read on how and how much to personally disclose to a new acquaintance, as one tests the waters and works toward building stronger ties and friendship. Thomas avoids jargon and writes fluently in a down-to-earth, easy to read style. The book is well-organized. The chapter summaries and resources are a plus. Marvin Thomas has performed a much-needed service in offering this book to as a how-to manual for meeting and making friends in our fragmented society.

Choosing the people in your life is as much karma as it is choice. The people with whom you work, associate, and love are more than warm bodies that share your space. They form your personal village, and they affect your vitality and happiness. Thomas asserts that too many of us leave this essential aspect to chance. In Personal Village, he maps the human propensity for socialization and provides checklists and thought-provoking questions toward ways that we can create positive change, embrace circumstance, and, if need be, reconstruct our core families. No longer leave your support system to luck. Learn how to build one through commitment and trust.

"To achieve intimacy with another, we have to begin by listening." ~Marvin Thomas Marvin Thomas has written a fascinating book on friendship in the modern world. He is a Seattle author who earned his Master's in Social Work at the University of Washington. Through his life he has experienced the beauty of friendship and observed patterns that feed our genetically encoded desires to find relationships. He has also seen the damage of isolation and explains how we can use the "Principal of Seven" to fill our world with friends. While we continue to be enamored with technology, we have become more and more isolated and yet the desire for friendship is still a force that drives us to seek companionship in our environments. While Marvin Thomas agrees that computers amplify the mind, he believes we cannot thrive when isolated. He also explains: The basic universal needs The essential ingredients of a healthy community Why relationships need to be tended to on a regular basis How you can find friends with similar interests What to ask someone new when you first meet How to keep a friendship for life Most of us seem to keep connected with friends and family through e-mails. Marvin explores this idea and explains how e-mail can be like a journal that talks back to you. While e-mail may encourage deeper contemplation because you have time to consider what you want to say, Marvin Thomas encourages real-life relationships where you can nourish your soul through face-to-face intimate relationships. Throughout "Personal Village" I had quite a few good laughs and many moments of enlightenment. The reading resources and movie suggestions looked tantalizing. Each chapter ends with a summary and a resource section. I loved the mention of the "Mostly Martha" movie, one of my all-time favorite chef movies. Since I have just moved to a new community, this book was a comfort to me in a time when I felt everything was new and I didn't know a soul. After reading this book, I found myself venturing out more into my community and unlike other times in the past, I actually ventured out early and with a sense of determination. The girls at Pier 1 were discussing Josh Groban (so we talked about the concert I reviewed), the lady at the post office gave me directions on how to get back home and everyone seemed most helpful. I met a neighbor after going out for a walk and the community I'm living in seems to be much more geared towards common areas where people can meet or walk. The advice in this book works and will encourage you to participate more fully in your community. I learned so much about basic human interaction that I'd never considered before. Marvin Thomas has filled "Personal Village" with a lifetime of wisdom and a collection of interesting and inspirational ideas to enable you to live a fuller, more enjoyable life no matter where you live. After reading his book, you may even want to start a cozy coterie or salon. My heart is dreaming of a Mystic Bea

Personal Village: How To Have People In Your Life By Choice, Not Chance by expert relationship therapist Marvin Thomas is a do-it-yourself style "self-help" guide to resisting the dehumanizing and impersonal forces of the 21st century while establishing closer bonds with the people around us. Personal Village is especially recommended for offering a wealth of accessible, practical advice concerning avoiding destructive individuals; reinforcing and celebrating lasting friendships; and keeping our circle of friends diversified so that when change and loss occur we are not left alone.

Personal Village is a terrific guide for anyone who has relocated, divorced, changed jobs, left a community of any kind and is now trying to reestablish themselves. I retired a few years ago and have found the ideas here to be what I was looking for. Personal Village is a marvelous resource for anyone looking for help in gathering friends. The book is well organized, the ideas worthwhile. Chapter layout is clear, good summary and the list of materials is helpful.