Parenting the Hurt: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow

We have friends with a "hurt" child and after reading this very helpful and insightful book, I bought them a copy and am told of their increased confidence in handling the little boy. Even if only one single advice in the book helped, the parents would be very grateful.Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?

This is a very good book for both parents and teachers. It is also useful for adults relating to children who both are and are not "hurt." This book can be read as a preventive measure, as well as a book to turn to when nothing seems to get through to a child.I tutor at a learning center, and work with children from all types of backgrounds and with all kinds of learning and behavior problems. This book has been very helpful to me. I feel I have successfully applied the techniques and suggestions in Chapter 4, and hopefully have avoided the pitfalls listed in Chapter 3. Chapter 5 has specific activities parents can do to positively affect their interactions with their child. Some activities can be incorporated in a teacher/tutor and child interaction, but they are more for parental interactions. Chapter 6 deals with education and is more for both parents and teachers. At the end of the book the authors present letters told from the viewpoint of both parents and children. If you want to learn about relevant research, Chapter 12, "the Author's Smorgasbord," gives brief descriptions of articles about hurt children. Also, the section "Related Readings" presents a reference list of useful articles. All of the researchers on this list are pioneers in early development and/or very well known for the quality of their research. What I especially like about this book is that it does not make the parent feel guilty for the current state of their relationship with their child. Those feelings of guilt can hamper the positive growth of the interaction between parent and child. If you are even contemplating this book, or one like it, that says a lot. If you are really in a bind, go straight to Chapter 7 "Surviving When It Feels Like Nothing Works." Good luck and don't give up!

I am the "Forever Mommy" of three wonderful children under the age of 9. I actually laughed (ALOT) while reading this book and felt tremendous relief to read that I am not insane! Many adoptive families go through the same intensity that we do. There were many great ideas that worked wonderfully - in fact the counselors, doctors and social workers actually wrote down some of the ideas for future reference for other families.I sent a copy of this book to my mother to give her some insight and education. This is a MUST READ for all family members blessed with an adoptive child!!

Parenting The Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal And Grow by Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio's found Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky (who works with children having attachment disorders at the Center) is a practical, informative, and "parent friendly" guide to how time, patience, and love can help adopted children heal from past trauma. Individual chapters offer true stories of people who have adopted and been adopted, sound psychological advice, and warnings of oft-used parental techniques that invite failure, such as deprivation without limits, grounding (it's far better to establish that a child needs to get daily permission to stay out late in the first place), and rewards without judicious measurement. Parenting The Hurt Child is a strongly recommended instruction reference for anyone charged with the responsibility of parenting an adopted or foster care child with a traumatic history of emotional neglect or physical abuse.

This is an absolute MUST READ FOR ANYONE WHO HAS ADOPTED a child older than a month. The book's chapter on the destruption a hurt child can bring to a household brought tears to my eyes from my own experience as a "residential" step-mother years ago. It is so accurate. It also helps put it in perspective that the child is not out to get you, but only expressing their own fears in the only way they know how. The book contains a chapter on what to look for in a therapist if you decide you need that kind of help (and you probably will.) It also contains a fabulous chapter on how to get help at school for your child's special needs. I think that the most orignal chapter is the chapter that lists a number of activities that you can do with your child that promotes bonding between you and your child. It reminds all of us that we need to have fun with our children and gives us some reminders of just how we might do that. As a lawyer working in the divorce area, I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book to ALL STEP_PARENTS who are spending long periods of time with a child. It is a beautifully simple, easy-to-understand explanation of bonding problems from the child's perspective. I am sure that you will not only find the book helpful, but you will be sharing it with friends. It's cost is very reasonable and if you are having any problems with your adopted child or step-child, it will be the best money you ever spent!