Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only

My husband and I had pretty much decided not to have anymore children but still had some reservations. However after reading this book I can say that I am much more at ease with the decision. Dr. Newman did so much research and includes quotes and other examples directly not only from educators and doctors, but from real people who are the parents of only children and, most importantly, only children themselves. The reader gets a broad spectrum of input from many different people yet the author ensures that the most important point remain clear--that only children are not deprived, spoiled, overly dependent or social recluses. Dr. Newman, along with her myriad of real-life interviewees, truly takes a stand against the ideas that society has implanted into the minds of parents, making them believe that their child will grow up "missing something" or be maladjusted simply because they do not have a sibling. Dr. Newman also makes sure to include what "not" to do as the parent of an only...some common traps and other unintentional mistakes parents of onlies can make. My son is only three, so this book gave me tremendous insight, advice and suggestions on how to not treat him like an "only child," but simply how to love him as an individual person, regardless of anything else. This book is really about common sense. ALL children go through stages of clinginess, hitting or other beahvioral problems, difficulty with sharing, etc. Yet only children tend to get singled out when these things occur because ignorant people assume they don't have the social skills like a child with a sibling. A child can also prefer to play alone or enjoy solitary activities, siblings or not. Children have innate qualities from birth that don't have anything to do with the number of siblings they have and the reader is reminded of this throughout. She also gives suggestions on how to respond to those who can pressure you into having more. I found that very helpful because pressures to have the typical 2.2 children are very strong. The only thing I found a little disappointing about the book is the way the author portrays the scenario of what life could be like with additional children. I myself am one of five children and growing up I didn't experience any of the "turmoil" that Dr. Newman mentions in her examples. Although I am of course viewing my own childhood from a child's perspective and not that of my parents. However I always felt loved and nurtured despite having a chaotic house full of kids. I'm quite certain my parents had their moments but any problems they had did not stem from the number of children they had. They enjoyed having a large family, in fact they wanted more than they got! I also have an excellent relationship with all my siblings. Dr. Newman suggests the idea that parents may consider having one simply so their kids don't fight. She also brings up reasons like diaper changes and midnight feedings as reasons to not have anymore. I think things like

After taking parenting classes, listening to audio tapes and reading any book on parenting I finally found a book, and author, that really answered all of my questions. Parenting an Only Child by Dr. Susan Newman has been the first book I've highlighted sections of since college and my co-worders love to borrow. Here is just a little of a teaser: If you are even thinking about having only one child, and haven't made your decision yet, you MUST read this book. It will remove any guilt and pressure. Attempting to shield your only child is perhaps the easiest trap into which you can fall. As soon as you start interfering, tears will flow and dependence will begin to blossom. Don't focus on oneness. (This was Dr Newman's answer to my e-mail query, "Should I start an only child play group?")Involve your child as much as possible in activities that do not center on him, such as team sports, summer trips or camp programs. Playdates, playdates, playdates! The more your child shares his toys, his meals, and even his bedtime rituals at sleepovers the more she will learn how to get along with others. Onlies have to search these out daily as they don't have the built-in play available with a sibling. In effect, create sibling relationships so he gets noncontrolling behavior modeling from other sources. Advance reminders help an only child to your going out without him. Rebellion against your going out is one of the most obvious indications that your child is seeking control.So that about sums up my favorite parts but not the entire value of the book. So either try and get your hands on my highlighted well worn copy if you dare or spend the $13 for your own. I guarantee it's cheaper than counseling! And one last thing, thank you Dr. Newman for the best parenting book I've ever read!

This book helped me a lot. It seemed as though every time I turned around people told me that my son would "suffer" being an only child. Since I am unable to make him a brother or a sister, it seemed like an unusually cruel thing for people to say. However, I still worried about it. This book showed me all the wonderful things about having an only child. I needed to see those reasons and I agreed with them. It would be great to have the world work in the perfect way, but it doesn't and it was nice to have a book to remind me to see the good in a situation.

This is the best book I have read on deciding to stop with one child. My husband and I wanted our first born to be an only, but struggled with all the stereotypical concerns. This book addressed EVERY one of our concerns and helped us feel better about our decision. Although the book did talk about women's careers as an impetus for this decision (I am a stay at home mom), I still found the book very applicable and informative. I would recommend this book to anyone thinking about having an only child. The second half of the book deals with parenting an only child and is a very good resource for those who have already made the decision.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. My husband and I recently decided to make our daughter our "only". He, being an only, of course is confident that all will be fine but I needed some reassurance and data to make me feel more comfortable. This book not only made me feel very comfortable and happy about our decision but also made me aware of the different pitfalls that may occur in the one child family - very avoidable pitfalls if aware of them before they occur. I highly recommend this book to any parents of only children or those contemplating the decision.