Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children

Before I had children, I oscillated between thinking that I would have no idea how to be a father and thinking that I would certainly do better than my parents. Of course, in practice many of my preconceptions have been dispelled as mere imaginings. My son is now thirteen and my daughter nine, so with the notion that I perhaps have not done as good a job as I might, I've been taking a more serious look at some of the parenting guides at my disposal. There are many of these around, but you would do well to start with Gordon's, "Parent Effectiveness Training" or alternatively, with "Liberated Parents, Liberated Children" of Faber and Mazlish. Don't be put off by the P.E.T. acronym or the cover of the book as I was, or the apparent commercialism of the approach, because this is one of the best books on the subject. It is a complete training guide for parents, and it confirmed for me that I had indeed made almost every mistake I could make, even if not in the most severe way possible. Gordon's premise is that parents need training. He comes to this from a background in psychology and training. He first trained pilots, where he succeeded in replacing ineffective command and control methods of training with demonstrably more effective collaborative forms of training. Building on the theories and client-centered approach of his teacher and mentor Carl Rogers (On Becoming a Person, 1961), Gordon further developed his educational model in providing leadership training for an organization consulting company before returning to psychotherapy for children and families. In these beginnings lie the strength of PET. It is an eminently practical, yet solidly based therapeutic approach, honed by countless hours of classes dealing with the real problems of parents and children. Gordon builds his model on three key principles: Active Listening, I-messages, and the No Lose Method of conflict resolution. These are not his invention, but these are essential and valuable concepts. In particular, Gordon's mentor Carl Rogers and his collaborator Richard Farson invented the term "Active Listening" and wrote an influential paper on the subject in 1957. Since then this idea has been used by many people in many fields. However, Gordon deserves credit for synthesizing these principles into a practical program for helping parents and children and popularizing them. Steven Covey, incidentally, uses these same three principles in his book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." In fact, of all Covey's 7 habits, Habit 4, Empathic Listening, is probably the one that makes the most positive difference people's success in life, and this is simply Active Listening in another form. The biggest eye-opener for me and probably for every parent, no matter how well informed or well intentioned, is the chapter "Parents are Persons not Gods." This lays out an undeniable characterization of parenting types and the "12 roadblocks to communication." After reading this, you will inevitabl

I first read PET about 30 years ago. It was simply quite stunning in its impact. I have used the skills over the years and found virtually 100% effective. I have heard my children successfully use "active listening", "I messages" and problem solving techiniques without knowing it. Training yourself to listen to people, honestly state your problems and ernestly try to solve problems to mutual benefit creates a good way to live.

I've used the book as a parent and now as a therapist I recommend it to parents. It's wrtitten clearly, easy to read, and contains timeless strategies for listening and talking to children as well as anyone else in your life. The vernacular is somewhat dated as it was written almost 40 years ago, but the book continues to be a great parenting manual.

This book was a great tool in helping me communicate better with my kids. Using this book in combination with Adele Faber's "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" and Matt Pasquinilli's "The Child Whisperer," I have developed cammunication lines with my children that I thought only existed on the Cosby Show.While I liked the book, it was denser and less fun to read than the other two books I mentioned. It was a nice suppliment but in order of ease of reading and ease of implementation, I would suggest you buy "The Child Whisperer" first, then Faber's book, and then this book.

Every person alive can benefit from reading this book. I've just finished it & already see improvement between me and my 3 teens(and feel more forgiving toward my own parents, teachers). Parent Effectiveness Training translates into ALL relationships and makes them BETTER! Thank you a MILLION times.